Archive | Human Interest

Show Up For Work Naked, No One Cares Anymore

Show Up For Work Naked, No One Cares Anymore

All you newly-graduated business college graduates, listen up. There is no longer a need to go out and spend a fortune on expensive power suits and dresses in order to look your best at that all-important job interview, if, in fact, you actually do land an all-important job interview. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Oil Disaster Pummels Small Pennsylvania Town

Oil Disaster Pummels Small Pennsylvania Town

GETTYSBURG, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — The latest in a series of disasters has humbled a small town in Northeastern, PA. Naticoke, Pennsylvania, which was well known in the their region for being a major coal mining town in the 1930’s, was sent into a state of shock and panic this weekend. What was recently the scene of village-wide celebration in honor of the grand opening of a new Applebee’s restaurant has turned into a nightmare for many of the town’s four thousand plus citizens. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Human Interest, Society1 Comment

Economy Ramps Up – But Workers Have All Starved To Death

Economy Ramps Up – But Workers Have All Starved To Death

STURGIS, Mississippi (GlossyNews) — The bailout recovery has finally come full circle as the recipients have finally stabilized their companies and are ready to rehire their workers. A shock came about, however, when it was found out that most of their old workers had either starved to death or were homeless and couldn’t be found.

“It was surprising to us.” said Chief Investor Charles Fatbelly, speaking at the ‘Back On Top’ banquet for top Wall Street executives while munching on pheasant under glass. “I thought there was supposed to be a trickle down of some sort. Oh, well, we’ll just import some people from India.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest3 Comments

Solar Tsunami Headed Toward Earth; What NASA Didn’t Say

Solar Tsunami Headed Toward Earth; What NASA Didn’t Say

From Astronomy Daily:

While NASA was trying to get our attention by telling us a Solar Tsunami is nothing to worry about and would only be responsible for bringing the Aurora Borealis further south for viewing, the very fact that the term tsunami was being used should have tipped us off that this was no ordinary magnetic field headed our way. We saw the effects of the tsunami that hit Indonesia and it was not all pink and green ribbons of light. It was death and destruction. If you’re going to use a word like tsunami, you better be ready to back it up with facts, which NASA unfortunately could not. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science2 Comments

Mexican Drug Gangs Boycott Arizona Over Immigration Law

Mexican Drug Gangs Boycott Arizona Over Immigration Law

PHOENIX, Arizona (GlossyNews) — Joining a rising tide of protest boycotts of the state, leaders from several prominent Mexican drug gangs announced their intention to avoid doing business in Arizona until the State Legislature reverses its controversial new immigration law.

“We regret the impact this decision will have on our valued customers,” said the spokesman for the group. “However, we simply cannot stand by and allow this patently illegal and un-Constitutional usurpation of Federal power to go unchallenged Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics3 Comments

Glenn Beck Online University Institutes Dress Code

Glenn Beck Online University Institutes Dress Code

COLORADO CITY, Arizona (GlossyNews) — Glenn Beck University was begun earlier this year by Glenn Beck following his receiving an honorary doctorate from fundamentalist Christian-led Liberty University.

Beck now believes he is qualified to offer college-level courses in American History, Economics and the Constitution, and does so under the guise of calling his courses Faith, Hope and Charity. It is, for Beck, a noble cause. He is single-handedly teaching the “truth” to anyone who will listen. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Human Interest0 Comments

6-Year Old Somali Girl Given Permission to Sail Solo Around the World

6-Year Old Somali Girl Given Permission to Sail Solo Around the World

MOGADISHU, Somalia (Glossy News) — A six-year old Somali girl has been given permission by the Somali government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of Somali earlier this year. The father/ daughter pair have been training for this solo adventure since March in a less-luxurious home-made craft.

When Abdul Omar Khalid got word that American 16-year old Abby Sunderland was setting out early in 2010 to sail solo around the world, he became enraged. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Sports2 Comments

Senator Apologizes to Conquistadors

Senator Apologizes to Conquistadors

NUEVO LAREDO, Texas (GlossyNews) — In a move termed a ‘head scratcher’ by DC insiders, TX Senator Denton R. Fender this week released a statement aimed at rapprochement towards Spain, and some people who have been dead for five centuries.

“The condemnation of these noble explorers is way overdue for a shakeup. Far too long we’ve let Liberals write history, and Liberals always demonize free market capitalism. Slanderous revisionism of the Conquistadors reflects poorly on the noble Spanish people, and I for one sincerely apologize. Cortez and Pizarro, they were entrepreneurs in the finest American tradition. ” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Wannabe, White, Rapper Jives For Job — Still Unemployed

Wannabe, White, Rapper Jives For Job — Still Unemployed

VENICE BEACH, California (GlossyNews) — Nineteen year old Malibu’s Most Wanted clone, Josh Milton, is feeling good vibes after his first real job interview. He successfully answered each question with, what can only be explained as, a convulsive fit of rhymes and spastic hand gestures. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People1 Comment

Satan is Suing His Insurance Company

Satan is Suing His Insurance Company

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

This guy claiming to be the Devil phones and asks that we interview him.

Turns out Satan doesn’t look a bit like I imagined. He’s kinda hot really. He looks like George Clooney sort of. So we’re having dinner with Satan, and this is what he says.

“Everybody is focused on the Gulf Coast oil thing, and I understand that. Trust me. I understand you humans. But I got storm damage here on this Guatemala thing; I want justice. Tropical storm Agatha blew a hole in my roof.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest1 Comment

Financially Strapped Families Turn Kids Into Meal Tickets on Reality TV

Financially Strapped Families Turn Kids Into Meal Tickets on Reality TV

HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GLossyNews) — What is it about opportunistic dads (and moms) who see their kids not so much as a mouth to feed but as a meal ticket out of poverty?

First there was Falcon Heene, the 6-year old boy whom his father, Richard Heene wanted everyone to believe was trapped in a mylar space ship floating perilously above the earth last October sometimes reaching heights of 7,000 feet. When the balloon touched ground hours later, there was no 6-year old aboard and what unfolded was a story of a family trying desperately to get their 15 minutes of fame and a television deal to solve some financial woes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Testimony Begins in Sloth Abuse Trial

Testimony Begins in Sloth Abuse Trial

TEMPLE, Texas (GlossyNews) — A jury of seven men and five women are listening to eyewitness testimony in the trial of impatient businessman Ron Martin, who battered 90-year-old Doris Sloth with a bag of frozen okra after she took twenty minutes writing a check to pay for groceries at the local Super Walmart. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Human Interest0 Comments

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