Category: Human Interest
Burger King, Dairy Queen Conclude Royal Tour of Man’s Intestines
FORT WAYNE – The ruling monarchs of the fast food industry, Burger King and Dairy Queen, concluded their recent tour of local man Patrick McMillan’s small intestine Thursday, ending a successful domestic engagement. The Royals were also treated to a…
Hoffa Digs Romney
The search for Jimmy Hoffa has uncovered the unexpected. Shreds of paper found embedded within core samples of earth removed from beneath the concrete driveway of a suburban Detroit home where Hoffa reportedly lie buried appear to be the missing…
Report Finds Today Crappiest Day Since Forever
INDIANAPOLIS – A new report conducted by professors at Indiana University has found that today – Tuesday, September 25th, 2012 – has been, like, the crappiest day ever. It’s not gonna lie, continued the report, this has been one utterly…
Oy Vey: Seinfeld to Play Romney in Biopic
Jerry Seinfeld has been cast to play Governor Mitt Romney in a yet unnamed feature film. How hard can it be to play an empty suit? Ask Jerry. “The hardest part will be keeping up with this guy. Romney, he’s…
10 Signs That You’re In a Long-Term Relationship
1. You finish each other’s sentences… because you can’t stand the sound of the other person’s voice. 2. You have wild, passionate sex all night long. Then you wake up. 3. Whenever you miss each other, you just pick up…
Poll Results Indicate Dick Cheney More Evil than Vlad the Impaler
A recent poll asked participants to name who they thought was the most evil person in history. The results, while not entirely surprising, did say a lot about just how unlikeable Dick Cheney has become over the years. What was…
Exposé: Under the Table with the Romneys
The Ann Romney ironing board story unfolds with a new wrinkle. Photographs posted today by Households Without Housekeepers reveal the wall-unit ironing board reportedly used as the Romney dining table was in fact a Murphy bed. The labor activist organization…
Herman Cain Carries Flag for the Democrats
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA — Television viewers were quick to spot former GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain minutes after the 2012 Democratic National Convention gaveled to order. The Tea Party favorite presented the colors as a member of the Disabled American…
Unemployed Former Aerospace Engineer Says: “Stop calling me that”
CAPE CANAVERAL – Identifying labels apparently matter, at least to unemployed former aerospace engineer Fred Hackford, who is among the thousands of NASA workers being laid off by the space agency following its retirement of the space shuttle and its…
Snakes in the Grass… for Obama
MIAMI-A Burmese python found dead in the Florida Everglades has snake and political experts rattled. A definitive square shape outlining the snake’s midsection led to an examination of stomach contents. Along with the remains of a raccoon, the python had…