Archive | Crooked Cops

Report: TSA Agents Receive Eternal Cavity Searches in Hell

Report: TSA Agents Receive Eternal Cavity Searches in Hell

Washington is ablaze with fury after one of Satan’s lieutenants accidentally leaked the conditions of punishment for TSA agents in Hell, which include cavity searches that never ever end.

Buroz Baliferous, a lower demon who works under Satan in the Department of Purgatory Projects, mistakenly emailed details of how the federal workers are treated when they pass through hell’s front gate after a life of pan-molestation to Congressman Hank Johnson’s office. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Crooked Cops0 Comments

YOLO Dead; As Are Most Adherents (Part 2)

YOLO Dead; As Are Most Adherents (Part 2)

We began our story yesterday on the dangers of the phrase YOLO! and what it’s meant to the dwindling number of America’s less intelligent youth who followed this belief.

What happened to them? We’ll tell you later, but we’ll give you this hint; almost all of them have died by their own foolishness. Spoiler alert. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crooked Cops, Society2 Comments

Roque LA Officer Chris Dorner Proposed NRA Speaker

Roque LA Officer Chris Dorner Proposed NRA Speaker

In a move that is even stunning for the NRA, a speaking offer has been made to former LAPD officer Christopher Dorner to speak at the next NRA convention.

The decision has many inside the organization questioning the overall impact it will have on their current negative publicity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Crooked Cops8 Comments

Pulled Pork… You’ll Get it in a Minute

Pulled Pork… You’ll Get it in a Minute

Apparently the cops in Santa Fe are jerkin off on the job and I mean that literally. The hero of our story, former police Sgt Mike Eiskant seems to have been caught holding the bag when a team of investigative journalists obtained dash cam footage from his squad car. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Crooked Cops0 Comments

Courts: Police Authority Can Be Sexually Transmitted

Courts: Police Authority Can Be Sexually Transmitted

Atlanta, GA, (GlossyNews): A Federal Court of Appeals today set a stunning new precedent with their decision in the case of Mego-Mart, et al v. Doe. According to the unanimous ruling, official law enforcement powers, and, specifically, police arresting authority, are transferable from police officers to others via semen. Continue Reading

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Cameroon Corruption: Force 9 on Beaufort Scale

Cameroon Corruption: Force 9 on Beaufort Scale

Amidst a growing maelstrom of rumour, gossip and scandal Cameroon’s security chief Rastus Chuckabutty has finally admitted some 300,000 people hoping to get jobs in the police force have written, phoned or e-mailed him directly begging for preferential treatment – most of them his relatives – or someone related to someone who knows someone else who knew someone his mother used to buy voodoo dolls from. Continue Reading

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Grandpa Arrested for Calling Spade a “Damn Spade”

Grandpa Arrested for Calling Spade a “Damn Spade”

Has the E-USSR bestowing Big Brother Gestapo-style powers on the UK’s local council bureaucratic jobsworths and their PFI housing association gophers gone totally to their heads? Do you believe the adage that power tends to corrupt – but those of shallow souls and minds, given power, are corrupted absolutely? Yes – Absolutely – with a capital ‘A’. Continue Reading

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The Bank Raid that Rocked the Met’

The Bank Raid that Rocked the Met’

A horror story that has it’s Kafkaesque–Orwellian origins rooted in the date of 2nd June 2008, has now come – a year and a half later – a haunting full-circle from when more than 500 of the Met’s finest plods smashed their way into thousands of safety-deposit boxes to retrieve guns, gold, drugs and zillions of quidsworth of criminal assets – or at least that’s what their Snitchford-based ‘Think Tank’ had planned for Operation Rize Krispies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Crooked Cops0 Comments

Trigger Happy Cops Off Scot-Free on “My Bad” Defense

Trigger Happy Cops Off Scot-Free on “My Bad” Defense

The UK’s Independent Police Complaints Commission today publicly announced its disgraceful and scandalous decision not to censure or prosecute the shit-for-brains gun-toting plods who couldn’t tell the difference between a fanatical Ethiopian suicide bombing Jihadi terrorist and a happy-go-lucky Latino Brazilian electrician – all friendly smiles and white teeth – so shot the electrician just to be on the safe side. Continue Reading

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Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves

Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves

Eighteen trainee officers have suffered burns to the faces, gone blind and had their lungs permanently damaged during a CS gas spray training exercise for the Greater Manchester Police’s ‘Riot Plod Squad’. The rookie recruits – hired from the redundant ranks of New Labour’s quango Renta-Thug sadist agency – were made to walk through clouds of the chemical mist to experience what it would be like to be ‘herding and kettling’ crowds of unruly jobless peasant demonstrators and other domestic terrorist types without the protection of gas masks. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crooked Cops, Human Interest0 Comments

Cops Can’t be Trusted with Fines

Cops Can’t be Trusted with Fines

According to a report just released by the UK’s Manky Magistrates Commission the nation’s Plod Squads cannot be trusted to hand out summary justice and will act as “Prosecutor, Judge and Jury” if given further God-like powers to issue on-the-spot fines for simple civil offences – and more serious crimes such as arson, rape or putting your wheelie bin out too early. Continue Reading

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Police Chief Faces Racist Probe from “Damn Darkies”

Police Chief Faces Racist Probe from “Damn Darkies”

According to a report leaked to the Daily Shitraker by an anonymous source inside the Metropolitan Police Authority (Sergeant Candida Muffrot) an independent investigation has begun into claims of racism against Ms. Catherine Crawfish, the 95-year old Gorgonesque chief executive of the MPA. Continue Reading

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