Categorized | Crime, Crooked Cops

Pulled Pork… You’ll Get it in a Minute

Pulled Pork… You’ll Get it in a Minute

Apparently the cops in Santa Fe are jerkin off on the job and I mean that literally. The hero of our story, former police Sgt Mike Eiskant seems to have been caught holding the bag when a team of investigative journalists obtained dash cam footage from his squad car.

After requesting the footage for over a month Santa Fe’s KOB News saw the long arm of the law first hand. The footage revealed that Sgt Eiskant was getting a grip on his man to hand relationship while on the job. Talk about getting caught with your pants down.

The audio from the squad car contained the sound of a zipper and moans from Sgt Eiskant. At one point the officer could be heard saying “Oh show me those big beautiful breasts, baby.”

Unfortunately for Mr. Eiskant KOB revealed their discovery just one day after he plead no contest to ten unrelated charges. According to the Sante Fe New Mexican

Michael Eiskant, 41, entered a plea of no contest Thursday before Bernalillo County District Court Judge Reed Sheppard to two counts of attempt to commit a felony (false imprisonment), one count of stalking, two counts of harassment and others including larceny and possession of marijuana.

Seven of the charges occurred in 2011.

The counts of false imprisonment, stalking and harassment relate to traffic stops involving women drivers, according to the criminal complaint.

In return for pleading no contest, Eiskant agreed, he “will never again become a law enforcement officer anywhere in the United States.”

The New Mexican goes on to describe how Eiskant used police computers to cyber stalk a woman. The paper also reported that he took the marijuana away from a civilian and knowingly kept it.

KOB issued a follow up report that states Eiskant was harassing an 18 year old girl who works at a local coffee shop.

KOB Eyewitness News 4 has obtained a recent New Mexico State Police report, detailing new allegations of harassment against an 18-year-old employee of a local coffee shop by former Sgt. Mike Eiskant.

According to the report, the employee told police Eiskant made her feel uncomfortable and told her “he doesn’t like her having a boyfriend and that he noticed her boyfriend driving her car around a lot.”

Eiskant’s former co-workers are not surprised by his alleged jackin off on the job. Former officer Shannon Brady went on record saying

Eiskant had a reputation for being a ”creeper” and stalking women.

Brady said she even tried to bring a harassment complaint against Eiskant years ago to Santa Fe’s human resource division.

That complaint was handled by then human resource compliance officer Raymond Rael.

Rael has since been promoted to chief of police.

The former officer said when she went to file her claim, Rael asked her if she was, ”doing this only because of all the rumors against Mike Eiskant stalking women and offered mediation with Eiskant which she declined.”

One of the charges Eiskant plead no contest to were alleged by Brady.

Brady said the charge stems from the same incidents that the chief dismissed when he was working at the city.

Many of you may be wondering what will become of our hero Sgt Eiskant. He has been barred from ever taking a law enforcement position again and he may receive probation for no more than one year. It is unclear if he will have to pay any fines, however it is clear that the citizens of Sante Fe will be paying him as he has been allowed to cash in on his accumulated leave before he officially retires in November. I am assuming he will receive his retirement pay as well.

The masturbation tape was released after all of this was decided, however I’m sure the Sante Fe DA will follow Eiskant’s fine example by pulling his pork when he tries the case.

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This post was written by

- who has written 4 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Jeremiah Pinkard is an obscure political satirist/political commentator from Virginia Beach, Virginia. He has been rejected and dejected by several prominent publications including Creative Loafing and Rolling Stone. He is currently the editor/webmaster/only contributing author for BlueScholarBlog.wordpress.com.

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