Category: Science & Technologizzy
Scientists Determine Noah Killed Dinosaurs
THE WOODLANDS, TX (GlossyNews) — With the demise of the dinosaurs millions of years ago remaining a hotbed of debate and disagreement, scientists from around the globe gathered together for a conference to determine the conclusive cause of their eradication.
Subsidi-Farm Granted USDA Contract to Develop Seedless Pot
Washington, D.C. – In what was hailed as a “good news, bad news” story today out of Washington, Subsidi-Farm, one of the nation’s largest agricultural companies, has been granted a federal contract to develop seedless, irradiated pot, which, among other…
Real Estate Developer Creating Island Paradise from Garbage
PACIFIC OCEAN, 135° to 155°W (GlossyNews) — Entrepreneurs worldwide are being lured by the siren call of opportunity rising from the Pacific. The middle of the Pacific Ocean, that is. The multinational realty conglomerate, Glutton Realty, has purchased the vortex…
Berkeley Sociologists Urge Americans to Stay the Hell Away from Alaska
Since learning of Phil Harris’ death a few weeks ago, sociologists from U.C. Berkeley have been working feverishly to complete a lengthy report on life — and more importantly, death — in the 49th state. Today, they published their preliminary…
Pfizer Pharmaceutical Develops More Potent Placebo
Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer Pharmaceutical claims they have developed a more potent placebo that has been proven to work better in controlled experiments than other doctor prescribed placebos. “Our placebo has a foul taste and smell”, said Pfizer representative Peter Gruber….
Scientists Discover Medical Link to SIDS — Not the Demon Lilith
After two decades of work, doctors and medical researchers in the United States believe they have evidence that abnormally low levels of serotonin — a chemical in the brain that helps control breathing during sleep — plays a pivotal role…
College Freshman and Brewing Company Discover Social Anxiety Disorder Cure
LOS ANGELES, CA — Martin Freneticksburg, a college freshman, found himself diagnosed with social anxiety disorder last September after he pledged to a fraternity only to crumble under the ridicule and embarrassment of the customary hazing. Martin is not alone….
New Study Proves Americans are Highly Pissed Off
A British team of doctors recently developed a color wheel that they say can be used to determine if mood affects color choice. The wheel, known as the “Manchester Color Wheel” (they obviously were spent after the research and could…
Apple Creates Demand for Products That Don’t Exist — Again
Cupertino, CA Apple Inc. CEO and co-founder Steve Jobs was at it, again, doing what he does best — when not shouting at helpless employees at HQ, or in and out of hospital. He was preaching the gospel of it’s…
Microsoft Opens “E-Gates” On Mexico / US Border, Windows Unavailable
Laredo, TX – Returning from a recent business conference on immigration in Mexico City, Microsoft Chairman William Gates, the world’s richest man, flew over what will become the new “RioGrande BushWall” near Laredo, Texas. Having told reporters in Mexico earlier,…