Category: Science & Technologizzy
Report: Man Fails to Give Damn
OCEAN CITY – Family, relatives, and friends are in mourning after a man announced he does not give a damn about life, the universe, or anything. Morgan Carlyle, 46, made the announcement as he left his job at Burger Blast…
Evolutionary Scientists Injured in Freak Arboricultural Accident
A group of evolutionary naturalists, anthropologists, and biologists were injured yesterday in what police are officially calling “an unfortunate and unnecessary accident”. According to eyewitnesses, hundreds of members of the Royal Society went on their daily tree-trimming expedition and somehow,…
Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion
Consumer circles are going wild over a new promotion being offered by PNC Bank to first-time clients who opt to open an account with the nationwide financial company. Anyone who pays a non-refundable, $700 bank fee under the promotion is…
N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos
A long range missile shot by North Korea over Japan on Sunday turned out to be a giant tube filled with Mentos and Diet Pepsi. The missile shot sent fear through the Asian nations that perceive North Korea as a…
Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars
Jihad organizers, coordinators and enthusiasts met this week in San Antonio, Texas, to advance their myriad causes. A panel discussion entitled “Sub-Suicide Bombings” brought up an interesting possibility; autonomous cars. Speaking from room 410 at the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention…
Hawking Enlists David Copperfield to Demonstrate “Spontaneous Creation”
Hawking: Spontaneous Creation is the Reason Something is Here Rather than Nothing. World-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, best known for his accessible books on the fundamental questions we all face, recently published his latest findings on a cosmological concept he calls…
Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits
GREENLAND–Last year, a melting glacier known as the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice approximately twice the size of Manhattan. And the Inuit couldn’t be happier. Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefiting from global warming trends…
Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism
Google offers an Auto-Complete feature. You start your search, they suggest what you might want to see, based on what others have searched… and Google thinks you’re a huge racist. I searched almost every country in the world and what…
Science on God: Inference to Any Other Explanation the Best
Men like Stephen Hawking have helped introduce us to Science all over again and men like Richard Dawkins have helped us learn to appreciate its grandness and wonder anew. They’ve taught us to embrace skepticism in our pursuit of truth…
Wild West, Non-Wisconsin Weinie Winters
Anyone who has spent any time in Colorado or any western ski resort areas has noticed the high density of Wisconsiners living there (to avoid any violent misunderstandings and to remain socially correct, by ‘high density’ I am referring to…