Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

Jihad organizers, coordinators and enthusiasts met this week in San Antonio, Texas, to advance their myriad causes. A panel discussion entitled “Sub-Suicide Bombings” brought up an interesting possibility; autonomous cars.

Speaking from room 410 at the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center, Achmed Mumuhammed said, in response to a question about technology, “Once self-driving cars are on the streets, that will take over for suicide bombings.”

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“It’s so easy. Just buy a car, put a dummy in the driver’s seat, tell it where to go… boom.”

Heading out to the street, we got some opinions from passers-by.

Amanda Nash, mother of four, said, “I think a self-driving car would be great. Those should be required by law right away.” When told the comments from the forum, she added, “these cars are the work of the devil and my grandparents didn’t die so people could use them to blow [buildings or infrastructure] up.”

Marckus Wailters also had a strong opinion, “Survival of the fittest I guess. Strong bridges will be fine. I just want a car that drives itself.”

Jihadorama IV, the strangely-numbered third meeting of the greatest minds in the world of Holy War, were quick to point out that they are not affiliated with any religion, race, creed or sexual orientation, but that they are all almost exclusively Saudi Arabian.

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

2 thoughts on “Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

  1. All driverless cars technological roadblocks are either already solved or will be solved in the next few years. The only roadblock remaining is the "liability" roadblock: http://driverless-cars.blogspot.fr/2013/01/who-will-be-liable-for-driverless-car.html.

    “What is the limit from where drivers having an accident, when his car is in automated mode, will be able to attack the car manufacturer?”.
    * Who will decide what the limit is?
    – car manufacturers, government or insurers? http://driverless-cars.blogspot.fr/2013/01/driverless-car-liability-how-government.html

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