Archive | Technology

Local scientist and teen killed in freak Delorean accident

Local scientist and teen killed in freak Delorean accident

An eccentric inventor and local teen were killed yesterday when the Delorean in which they were riding crashed into a wall at about 90 mph. Martin McFly, 18, and Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brown, age unavailable, were pronounced “really dead” at the scene. Homeland Security became involved in the investigation after radiation was discovered to be leaking from what authorities are calling a “flux capacitor” in the back of the vehicle. Federal investigators are calling the incident a possible “thwarted act of terrorism”. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology2 Comments

Shopping Conundrum: Sub-Featherweight Micro SD Card or 11+lbs of CF Cards?

Shopping Conundrum: Sub-Featherweight Micro SD Card or 11+lbs of CF Cards?

The first time I bought memory was on the eve of my first trip to China in January of 2001. I’d never been to Asia and figured, “hey, Shanghai is a place I’ve heard of, so off I went.

My 2.1 megapixel Canon Digital Elph which was a killer deal at the time at $430. A truly exceptional camera. My prints from this and other trips were eventually shown in a gallery in Kirkland, Washington, and over the course of a year I even sold about two. Not a profitable hobby. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology0 Comments

5th Grader Tells Friend Personal Secret, Now Wanted by NSA for Revealing Government Secrets

5th Grader Tells Friend Personal Secret, Now Wanted by NSA for Revealing Government Secrets

WASHINGTON — Federal authorities yesterday filed espionage charges against Area Fifth-grader Eddie Rainden for allegedly disclosing to an unnamed classmate that he still, on occasion, pees the bed, a secret over which the NSA is claiming ownership since, according to the government agency, they recorded the 10-year-old telling his grandmother about the bladder-control issue over a phone call three days prior to the in-class disclosure. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology, World News0 Comments

Windows 8.1 Invites 100k Testers, Discards All Data

Windows 8.1 Invites 100k Testers, Discards All Data

Microsoft has undertaken the biggest Operating System test in history by inviting 100,000 users to labs around the world to test their new platfrom. More than 5 million pages of data was collected, all of which were discarded.

“It wasn’t easy to deal with all the data,” said project manager Abe Zeekstrom, “but after pulling it all together, we managed to do it.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology1 Comment

Report: 10% of Facebook Users Unaware Others Can See Their Posts

Report: 10% of Facebook Users Unaware Others Can See Their Posts

PALO ALTO, CALIF — In a recent Pew Research Center study, a reported 10% of Facebook users are oblivious to the fact that other people can see what they write.

The study alleges that of that 10% of naive morons, 50% are systematically confusing “statuses” with “private messages,” 35% are utterly uncertain about what a “facebook” is exactly, and the remaining 15% are simply illiterate. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology1 Comment

Microsoft Office Assistant Finds New Life (comic)

Microsoft Office Assistant Finds New Life (comic)

Arguably one of the greatest inventions of software is the oft-forgotten fellow named “Clippy”. You remember him, he would constantly interrupt you when you were trying to do something productive.

If you started a document with the word “dear”, that worthless bucket of crap would show up to try to give you some completely useless advice you didn’t want, couldn’t use, and couldn’t figure out how to get rid of.

But in 2013, I became a cartoonist. Not a good one, mind you, but it is what it is. And in my world, Clippy still has some use.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Share

Posted in Comics, Technology1 Comment

Report: Man Fails to Give Damn

Report: Man Fails to Give Damn

OCEAN CITY – Family, relatives, and friends are in mourning after a man announced he does not give a damn about life, the universe, or anything.

Morgan Carlyle, 46, made the announcement as he left his job at Burger Blast on Saturday, and has since been cooped up in his apartment by city hall, where he is attempting to avoid speaking to the press.

Recorded audio of the fateful moment reveals Carlyle’s blunt message to the country. “The simple reality is, I just don’t give a damn anymore. Nothing is going to change that — not even ecstasy.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Society, Technology0 Comments

Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion

Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion

Consumer circles are going wild over a new promotion being offered by PNC Bank to first-time clients who opt to open an account with the nationwide financial company.

Anyone who pays a non-refundable, $700 bank fee under the promotion is eligible to receive an Apple iPad, absolutely free of charge.

“What we are shooting for here is great value in every new customer’s experience with PNC Bank,” said Mark Maners, PNC’s chief marketing operative. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Biz News, Technology0 Comments

N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos

N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos

A long range missile shot by North Korea over Japan on Sunday turned out to be a giant tube filled with Mentos and Diet Pepsi.

The missile shot sent fear through the Asian nations that perceive North Korea as a wild card capable of anything.

Country leader Kim Il Un claimed that the missile merely sent a communications satellite into orbit, but most believe that it was really a test of their long range missile capabilities. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology, War Zone0 Comments

Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

Jihad organizers, coordinators and enthusiasts met this week in San Antonio, Texas, to advance their myriad causes. A panel discussion entitled “Sub-Suicide Bombings” brought up an interesting possibility; autonomous cars.

Speaking from room 410 at the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center, Achmed Mumuhammed said, in response to a question about technology, “Once self-driving cars are on the streets, that will take over for suicide bombings.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology2 Comments

Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism

Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism

Google offers an Auto-Complete feature. You start your search, they suggest what you might want to see, based on what others have searched… and Google thinks you’re a huge racist.

I searched almost every country in the world and what I found was… well, it was interesting to say the least. I wouldn’t go as far as to say “informative”, but it definitely speaks to prejudices, pre-conceived notions and bigotry-at-large. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology15 Comments

Israel Kicks Off Palestinian Space Program

Israel Kicks Off Palestinian Space Program

An Exodus rocket launched three Israeli astronauts and 100 Palestinian refugees into orbit Wednesday, kicking off a ten-year mission to establish a permanent human colony on the surface of Mars.

The rocket roared into mostly clear skies from the Gaza Strip at 11:50 PM EET on February 20, 2013. Once in orbit, it will jettison a tiny capsule dubbed “Exodus I,” beginning a two-year journey to the Red Planet for the 100 Palestinians packed tightly inside. Then a larger capsule will return the three Israeli astronauts back to the safety of Earth. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology, World News2 Comments

Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life

Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life

BOSTON, MA – A 5-year study carried out by Harvard University’s Geological department has determined that, at some point in its relatively recent history, the planet Earth likely supported intelligent life.

Analysis drawn from a collection of rock samples taken from our home planet’s equator has revealed traces of water dating back 20 years, prompting theories that advanced lifeforms – capable of cognitive behavior, intelligent discourse and logical debate – once existed on Earth. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Technology1 Comment

Dean Chambers: A Look Into the Next 10 Years (Part 6)

Dean Chambers: A Look Into the Next 10 Years (Part 6)

Todays entry in our predictions from the future series comes from Dean Chambers, the conservative blogger and statistician famous for his staunchly pro-Romney predictions during the 2012 presidential election.

His expertise is in politics, so these are largely political predictions for 2023, but it’s a good read all around. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Technology6 Comments

Future Predictions 2023 – Vision of the Future (Part 4)

Future Predictions 2023 – Vision of the Future (Part 4)

Todays entry in our forward-looking future series comes from Fark user RexTalionis.

He had originally participated as part of the Fark series, but his answers were so good, so thorough and so professional, he got his own whole unique story. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology2 Comments

Aztecs Slam “Typical Stupid Mayans” When World Fails to End

Aztecs Slam “Typical Stupid Mayans” When World Fails to End

Many Aztecs throughout North and Central America rejoiced at the stroke of midnight December 22nd, 2012, as the world failed to end, in accordance with Mayan prophecy.

“Those stupid [beeping] Mayans. They’re just wrong about everything,” said Miguel Quattel, an Aztec living just south of Mexico City. “They were wrong about agriculture, they were wrong about the Spanish, and once again they came up stupid.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Society, Technology3 Comments

Page 3 of 712345...Last »
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial