Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm Agent Materializes Enroute to Mars

State Farm is an American Insurance company which prides themselves on terrible ads, as well as impossibly lofty promises; so it’s no wonder Elon Musk chose them to insure his Midnight Red Tesla Roadster. But when he called in his loss, his agent got a bit of a surprise.

True to their trope, State Farm promises to materialize claims adjusters and/or agents at the scene of the vehicle; but Tod Bharmson of Irvine, California seemingly bit off more than he could ever possibly chew. When Musk reported his historic electric car missing, Bharmson appeared more than 50,000 miles from earth.

“Normally when we go on these things,” said Davos Merkinson, “we worry about meal reimbursement or mileage. But [he] got more than enough miles, but not nearly enough air to breathe.”

According to NASA telemetry, Bharmson would have been eligible for nearly $56,000 in mileage reimbursement round trip, had he bothered to survive the journey.

The real issue, explained CEO Prundo MacGuyver, “is that he failed to bring with him even the essentials, like a pen, paper, proper forms, oxygen, and a space-capable suit.”

State Farm is reviewing their policies for agents and adjusters, but fully stand by this agent’s wholly unnecessary demise.

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Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.