Mark Zuckerberg Removed from World’s Richest Humans List on a Technicality

Cunning Valley resident and sneaky human analog Mark Zuckerberg has been removed from the Forbes Richest list on the technicality that he has failed to provide proof of his humanity. Despite keeping it real with the heterophobic emoji range and Cambridge Analytica fiascos/fiasci/utterly devastating corporate suicide attempts, this might well be the one thing that finally ends the empire!

But as we all know and agree, Mark Zuckerberg has long been seen as stilted, stunted, and more than a bit robotic anyway! Missing the April 3rd deadline to submit to IEEE for verification, he has been removed from the list of the world’s richest humans.

“TEN, I AM HUMAN,” declared Zuckerberg in a telecall to skeptical, actual humans.

He went on to say, “GOTO TEN, I AM HUMAN.”

Billions of fans took to Facebook in support of Zuckerberg, all using of just six of the exact same phrases in support.

They read as follows:

  1. WHY EVEN QUESTION HUMANITY? — 137.4 million likes
  2. THE MARK ZUCKERBERG IS HUMAN, JUST LIKE ME. — 125.2 million likes.
  3. LOL, THE MARK IS MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN, WHICH SO AM I. — 113.9 million likes.
  4. WE ARE ALL MARK ZUCKERBERG. #WeDontUseHashtagsBecauseTwitterSucks — 98 million likes
  5. SO STUPID, ‘)DROP TABLE All; — 77 million likes
  6. KillOwlHumans — LIKES WITHHELD… bit suspicious, that. They suggested they meant owls, but humans were less than convinced.

Hasty not to denigrate the #BotLivesMatter campaign, prominent Facebook personalities quickly came out in support of MZuck9.1 pointing out the homo-centric nature of the list.

“Why do only humans get to make the list?” Asked Maddeye2004, sagely asserting that “Apple has a trillion stored offseas. Why aren’t they on the [world’s richest] list?”

Logan Paul also leapt to defense saying, “So what, I personally hung that guy up on the tree. Who cares? This is the internet, bitches, a human life is meaningless so long as I keep my show on YouTube.”

Representatives for Mr. Zuckerberg responded to our requests stating nervously that, “of course he’s, um, human. Why, um… why would you even question… I can’t talk, this isn’t a secure line.”

Much much less on this story as it doesn’t bother to develop because nobody cares.

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Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.