Category: News In Your Briefs
Tea Party Demonstrators Call For Lower Taxes, Smaller Vocabulary
WASHINGTON D.C. – Throughout a rousing rally on Capitol Hill Tuesday, hundreds of Tea Party demonstrators – voicing their disapproval of Barack Obama’s presidency – championed the idea of lowering taxes and downsizing the nation’s vocabulary. Speaking over a bullhorn,…
Study Reveals Commitment Desire from Male Subjects
A recent study from the New England Journal of Medicine reveals what some men, and one man in particular, is thinking when it comes to commitment and relationship. The particular subject was a man in his 20s when the study began, but even as the study progressed, his persistence continued.
Report: 58% of Unemployed Actively Failing to Look for Work
WASHINGTON D.C. – The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has found that almost 60% of citizens registered as unemployed are nonetheless actively failing to seek out work. A study released on the department’s website indicates that approximately 15 million people…
Clint Eastwood Kills 14 At Democratic National Convention
CHARLOTTE, NC – In a shocking rampage that also left 37 people wounded, screen legend and Republican supporter, Clint Eastwood, killed 14 people at the Democratic National Convention Wednesday. Just one week after an infamous speech at the RNC in…
Target Changes Employee Uniforms – Red Shirts No Longer Safe
After multiple deaths, Target has decided to make a change in the uniforms of it’s employees. This decision was made once the connection of the uniforms was made to Star Trek. It is well known that any crew wearing a…
Traffic Light Nutritional Coding System Given Green Light
A new system of coding fat, sugar and salt content has been approved and would mean that all pre-packed food would have to display a colour coded guide on the front of the package. Red would mean high in fat,…
Chick-fil-A Manager Hugs Customer Inappropriately
Raleigh, NC – Dennis Mitchell of Raleigh, NC claims he knew nothing about the controversy surrounding Chick-fil-A when he walked into a local store to purchase an order of chicken nuggets and a drink. “All of a sudden, here comes…
Local Man Seems Just A Little Too Into Archery
INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down with his family to watch the opening rounds of the Olympic Games Friday, Indianapolis resident Damien Fenhurst was just a little too into archery, say sources. Displaying an inordinate degree of interest in the skill and…
Chick-Fil-A Changes Name to Cock-Fil-A
In an effort to appease right wing males, Chick-Fil-A has announced plans to drop the sexist word “chick” from its name to the more gender specific word “cock.” Company spokesman Hugh Jappendage clarified, saying, “We don’t want to offend anybody…
Olympic Opening Ceremony Rife w/ Offensive British Stereotypes
The home fans seemed pretty upset by the float car with giant, bad teeth, belching green fog indicating bad breath. The Bobby mascots endlessly chasing cartoonish burglars because they have no guns really touched a sore point too. Worst of…