Category: Making Headlines
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One company’s name tells you that when you reach the “horizon,” they may actually answer your call, but until then, you must deal with their automated chat icon. It is completely worthless other than being concerned that you are having…
Troubling Karen Variant Threatens NYC Metro Area and Beyond This Winter
A highly transmissible new variant of Karen has been detected, originating in Manhattan’s Upper West Side in late 2021 and now spreading to upscale neighborhoods in Brooklyn and far beyond in the New Year. Genomic sequencing of positive Covid-19 test…
Senior Technical Writer At Educational Media Company Apologizes For Self-Destructive Behavior
Dane County, Wisconsin. Fully expecting a rational and highly-collaborative online discussion on how to select a proper medium through which to facilitate and transfer comprehension of updated educational standards for secondary and post-secondary schools across the Midwest, entry-level technical writers,…
“It Is What It Is!” Offered As Justification For Implementing Fucking Stupid, Needless, And Overwhelming New Employee Growth & Development Program
Minnesota. Burned-out and exasperated staff members at Epicore Medical Support, a privately owned company that specializes in providing software programs as well as various other forms of healthcare technology to hospitals and clinics across the nation, were horrified last week after…
Disagreement Over “January Term” Curriculum Changes Results In Epic Brawl At ‘Already Expensive’ Private Liberal Arts College
Central Iowa. Unable to resolve key differences on how to properly view somewhat established principles concerning Self-Actualization, Brain-Based Learning, Epistemology, and Qualitative vs. Quantitative Research, Education Professors Kurt Neilsen, 61, and Walter Beckman, 64, both lost control of their tempers…
Oh Joe! President Biden Accidentally Cancels Mild-Mannered Accountant Stu Dent-Dett Instead of College Loans
WHOOPSIE DAISY– In a laugh-out-loud oval office oopsie, president Joe Biden accidentally penned an executive order formally canceling Stuart “Stu” Dent-Dett, a quiet Minneapolis accountant with a love of calico cats. Upon realizing his gaffe, the commander-in-chief exclaimed, “Aw shucks,…
Middle-Aged Creative Writer In Dilapidated Apartment Fucks Up Entire Future By Losing Massive Novel On USB Flash Drive
Midwest. After spending the majority of his life carefully managing his time, avoiding ‘high-stress’ professional careers, and utilizing every single ounce of his creative energy to construct a massive and profound science fiction novel that would have become successfully published…
Facebook Recalls Former Members
Facebook, now known as Meta, has begun recalling former members who deleted their accounts. “We felt it was in our best interests to bring them back,” said Facebook/Meta spokesman Tanner Long. “They need to be back in the fold.” “I…
President Biden Chooses Chumlee as New Candidate for Comptroller of the Currency
In a surprise twist, President Joe Biden has selected reality television personality Chumlee to replace Saule Omarova as his nominee for Comptroller of the Currency. Omarova, a Cornell Law School professor and special advisor on the regulatory policy under George…
On The First Day of Christmas — Lyrics for Our Time: Stuff This in Your Stocking, My Rightist Love!
On the first day of Christmas, my rightist love sent me A “Live Free” Anti-Vaxx Tee. On the second day of Christmas, my rightist love sent me Two Shredded Masks And a “Live Free” Anti-Vaxx Tee. On the third day…