Oh Joe! President Biden Accidentally Cancels Mild-Mannered Accountant Stu Dent-Dett Instead of College Loans

WHOOPSIE DAISY– In a laugh-out-loud oval office oopsie, president Joe Biden accidentally penned an executive order formally canceling Stuart “Stu” Dent-Dett, a quiet Minneapolis accountant with a love of calico cats. Upon realizing his gaffe, the commander-in-chief exclaimed, “Aw shucks, I guess I really can’t spell worth a darn.” The White House Twitter account promptly tweeted out “#CancelStuDentDett” and “#StuDentDettIsOverParty,” starting a wave of ruthless, online backlash against the Minnesota native and vanilla ice cream enthusiast. Dent-Dett informed members of the press who reached out that the error was “a common mix up” and that people frequently confuse him with burdensome higher education loans. “People always see my name and say ‘Hey, aren’t you in delinquency?’ or ‘Don’t I owe you $40,000?’ or ‘You’re the guy worth $1.73 trillion!’” Dent-Dett told reporters while deleting hundreds of death threats from his email inbox. Since Biden penned his executive order, thousands of individuals have come forward alleging Dent-Dett of delaying their marriages, making it difficult for them to join America’s shrinking middle class, and preventing them from buying a home.

Author: A.M. Reyes

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