Senior Technical Writer At Educational Media Company Apologizes For Self-Destructive Behavior

Dane County, Wisconsin.  Fully expecting a rational and highly-collaborative online discussion on how to select a proper medium through which to facilitate and transfer comprehension of updated educational standards for secondary and post-secondary schools across the Midwest, entry-level technical writers, IT specialists, and administrators at Mastermind Tech were left confused last Tuesday evening when Robert Kane, 57, suddenly darted through the doors of his office and didn’t return.
Having been sober and substance-free for nearly 30 years, Kane absent-mindedly took a sip of 1800’s ‘Bold-Roasted’ Pioneer Coffee before he became so incredibly hyperactive and berserk that he could no longer maintain the attention span needed to hold a proper advising session.”Fuck This Shit!” And “I’m Back!” were just a few of the statements he was heard bellowing at the top of his lungs by terrified staff down the hallway, who then witnessed him jump into his 2020 Nissan Rogue and drive over several bushes in the parking lot. After streaking through the belt-line of the city like an uncaged and carnal behemoth, Kane strategically tore up several different highways and unmarked roads before he found an open strip club located within the depths of Lafayette County.  Suddenly feeling delighted and relaxed, Bob loosely engaged in many interesting and carefree conversations with the locals before using his teeth to place a 5-dollar bill in between the luscious and massive knockers of the dancing girl in front of him.  According to several sources, the introverted educational specialist who had spent numerous years studying Epistemology even got on the table himself and started throwing pieces of his own clothing at people who were screaming his name and cheering.  At some point while receiving a lap dance in a shady room at the back end of the bar, Kane suddenly realized everything he was doing was morally wrong and unproductive, sped back to his 2-story home on the outskirts of Madison, and took one swig from a bottle of ‘Southern Comfort’ he had purchased at a liquor store before passing out (face-first) on his living room floor.
Having completely forgotten everything he did when Wednesday morning arrived, Kane slowly stumbled back into his office and issued a sincere and heartfelt apology to those who were depending on him to provide essential advice for constructing advanced instructional documentation before accidentally taking another sip of 1800’s ‘Bold-Roasted’ Pioneer Coffee and repeating the exact same behavior

Author: Wes Janson

BIO: Wes Janson is a Master's Degree Holder as well as a former international educator who lived in South Korea and Taiwan. He is also an isolated, balding, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, angry, hopeless, neurotic, self-medicating iconoclastic nihilist filled with delusions of grandeur who is currently struggling with the irreversible effects of a severe mid-life crisis.

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