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Virulent Rabies Outbreak At Fox News

Virulent Rabies Outbreak At Fox News

A virulent outbreak of rabies was reported today at Fox News Headquarters. The horrible madness inducing disease appears to have spread through the top hosts of the station, then been transmitted to station employees and, strangely, even to their listeners. The initiation of the epidemic seems to have started with Sean Hannity who, in the middle of his show, started foaming at the mouth.

“This was nothing unusual with him.” stated Red Bigneck. Continue Reading

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Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows

Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows

Trouble on the American Idol set already? It’s rumored that Randy Jackson let slip a little secret. He had asked his lawyers to add rolls of duct tape to the usual list of things in his contract he’d need while sitting through some of the worst singing of his life. He also asked for specially designed ear wires that work to take away distracting background noise so that he could focus on the task at hand. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television3 Comments

Simon Cowell to Leave American Idol for Walmart

Simon Cowell to Leave American Idol for Walmart

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Wednesday afternoon, American Idol sensational judge Simon Cowell announced that concluding the up and coming season he would leave the popular show. The announcement didn’t come as much of a surprise to the entertainment industry or the American Public.

“It was a long time coming. He was ruining his career anyways,” says Alexis Riggins, a diehard American Idol fan. Continue Reading

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Sarah Palin Becomes Climate Change Expert at Fox News

Sarah Palin Becomes Climate Change Expert at Fox News

BREAKING NEWS – Fox News has taken the plunge(errr) and has hired Sarah Palin as a contributor to take on some of the most controversial issues of our time, including climate change. Satirists and comedians were said to be partying into the wee hours of the night in anticipation of “the perfect storm,” i.e. Palin, Fox News and climate change coming together all in one place, and none can wait for Sarah’s opening performance.

So what makes Sarah such an expert on say, climate change, you ask? Ok stay with me on this one. In case you haven’t heard, she is from Wasilla, Alaska and of course, dontacha know that you can see Russia from her house. Continue Reading

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Newscasters Appeal to FBI to Create Easy Nicknames for Terrorists

Newscasters Appeal to FBI to Create Easy Nicknames for Terrorists

The latest attempt at terrorism by Nigerian nationalist, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallabhas, is the straw that broke the camel’s back in America’s newscasting business. In a rare show of agreement between the top media outlets, news commentators from every major prime time and cable news program, excluding PBS, has asked the FBI, CIA and other law enforcement and governmental spokespersons to create shorter nicknames for terrorists as soon as any new terrorist threat or action is leaked to the news. Continue Reading

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Posted in Television, World News4 Comments

Fox News Group Leads in Dumbing Down America

Fox News Group Leads in Dumbing Down America

Results of a preliminary study conducted by the Institute for the Dumbing Down of America (IDDA), Fox News Group has come out way ahead of any other television network news provider as having phenomenal success in creating misinformed, less intelligent human beings over the past ten years.

According to Dr. Bo Gusfindings, “folks who have been getting their news from shows such as The Glenn Beck Show, Continue Reading

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Posted in Television46 Comments

O’Reilly Interviews God, Tells Him To ‘Shut Up’

O’Reilly Interviews God, Tells Him To ‘Shut Up’

In a controversial incident on Fox News, Bill O’Reilly was interviewing God, asking how the Almighty could come to allow the Democrats to run both the Senate and White House. During God’s attempt to explain that he had to be fair to all sides, O’Reilly got peeved when God started to explain the Democrats point of view and constantly interrupted Him. Midway through the show O’Reilly blew his stack and told God to “Shut up!” Continue Reading

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Top 10 Reasons Michaele Salahi Got Caught

Top 10 Reasons Michaele Salahi Got Caught

10. The couple showed up in O.J. Simpson’s 1994 white Ford Bronco.
9. A Secret Service agent read her “Tweet” that read “I told you I could breach White House security.”
8. When she met President Obama she tried to reenact “Forest Gump” by saying, “I have to pee.” Continue Reading

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Glenn Beck’s Daughter Sells Daddy’s Drool on E-Bay

Glenn Beck’s Daughter Sells Daddy’s Drool on E-Bay

Learning that his middle daughter was jonesing to go to Columbia University, Glenn Beck refused to pay for her tuition, stating “if you want to attend some hippie, liberal, communist center of lower learning in the middle of freaking Harlem, you won’t be doing it on my dime, sweetheart.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Television12 Comments

21/12/2012: Oprah-Geddon Approaches

21/12/2012: Oprah-Geddon Approaches

2012 is coming – approaching fast. A time to be afraid – very afraid – as the threadbare cliché goes. Actually I’d advise you to be more than very afraid – shit-scared would be more appropriate, in point in fact.

21/12/2012 – the end of the World as we know it – and all thanks to Oprah Winfrey. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television0 Comments

Shock Jocks “Ant & Dec” to Interview Royal Princes

Shock Jocks “Ant & Dec” to Interview Royal Princes

It was announced by Clarence House this week that as part of the 30th anniversary celebrations for The Prince’s Trust, HRH Prince Charles, and sons Wills and Harry will demean their Royal dignity to a fresh low in being interviewed by the oafish TV double-act of stand-up Geordie tossers – Ant and Dec. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television0 Comments

Hey Rush: I’ve Got Some Satire I Wanna Sell You

Hey Rush: I’ve Got Some Satire I Wanna Sell You

What do you do when you’ve been outed on national radio trying once again to dish dirty lies about the President? If you’re Rush Limbaugh, you make up some half-assed excuse why you’re not a complete dumb ass for falling for yet another hoax. Seems Rush picked up on a story reporting that back in college, Obama wrote a thesis paper entitled “Aristocracy Reborn” that basically dissed the Constitution. NY Daily News has the whole story. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Television12 Comments

World Begs Gosslins: Stop Airing Your Dirty Laundry

World Begs Gosslins: Stop Airing Your Dirty Laundry

It’s unlikely Kate or Jon Gosslin will read this, so consider it instead a lecture for the rest of you. After all, you too may soon become a TLC or E! reality show celebrity for what’s generally accepted as “no good reason at all”. We loved you for your normalcy and innocence; don’t mook it all up by being petty jerkwads in public. Sure, we all want to see it, but we won’t endorse you for it, and your prospects will suffer in kind. Continue Reading

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Posted in Television2 Comments

David Letterman Accepts Sex Revelations Humility, Ratings Boon

David Letterman Accepts Sex Revelations Humility, Ratings Boon

David Letterman has been preaching a daily tell-all on his nightly TV shows, almost boasting about his sexual exploits with his staff. His ratings have gone through the roof and other late night TV hosts are now paying attention to this gimmick, which has leapt him ahead in the cut-throat TV ratings game. Continue Reading

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David Letterman’s Top-10 Countdown to Adultery Absolution

David Letterman’s Top-10 Countdown to Adultery Absolution

Alleged philanderer David Letterman has recently found himself at the losing end of an extortion/cover-up of his extra-extra-extra marital affairs having taken place between himself and an undisclosed, but presumably impressive, number of his female staff members. Continue Reading

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Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Bobbie-Joe Muffitch from Twattown, Arkansas, is expecting her 19th new arrival in March next year. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Television1 Comment

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