Category: Entertainment
Oh Joe! President Biden Accidentally Cancels Mild-Mannered Accountant Stu Dent-Dett Instead of College Loans
WHOOPSIE DAISY– In a laugh-out-loud oval office oopsie, president Joe Biden accidentally penned an executive order formally canceling Stuart “Stu” Dent-Dett, a quiet Minneapolis accountant with a love of calico cats. Upon realizing his gaffe, the commander-in-chief exclaimed, “Aw shucks,…
Herbie the Parrot
I always walk past the pet store on Church Avenue. One day, I finally went in and asked if they had any talking parrots. “Yes, you’re in luck. Herbie is a talking parrot.” …
Facebook Recalls Former Members
Facebook, now known as Meta, has begun recalling former members who deleted their accounts. “We felt it was in our best interests to bring them back,” said Facebook/Meta spokesman Tanner Long. “They need to be back in the fold.” “I…
President Biden Chooses Chumlee as New Candidate for Comptroller of the Currency
In a surprise twist, President Joe Biden has selected reality television personality Chumlee to replace Saule Omarova as his nominee for Comptroller of the Currency. Omarova, a Cornell Law School professor and special advisor on the regulatory policy under George…
On The First Day of Christmas — Lyrics for Our Time: Stuff This in Your Stocking, My Rightist Love!
On the first day of Christmas, my rightist love sent me A “Live Free” Anti-Vaxx Tee. On the second day of Christmas, my rightist love sent me Two Shredded Masks And a “Live Free” Anti-Vaxx Tee. On the third day…
Schrodinger’s Cat is Envious
Quarantining is difficult. Wearing a mask is hard. Taking a jab in the arm is annoying. All this just to save your life? Wow, do I feel sorry for you. Not. You know what is difficult? Being locked…
Midwestern Forklift Driver Just Glad He Can Finally Go Home And “Not Stop” After 5 Beers
Grant County. 26-year-old alcoholic Craig Wall was profoundly delighted last Friday when he was finally able to leave his exhausting and pointless factory job as a Forklift Driver at Pine Bark Industries and ‘not stop’ consuming can after can of…
Carrot Clamp-Down
Due to the recent spate of carrot-related incidents, the government has today announced restrictions on the sale of carrots across the nation. The most recent occurred yesterday with one customer tripping over while walking with a carrot and poking himself…
Christmas Gifts You Probably Haven’t Thought Of For Good Reason, Probably
Well, it’s that time of the year again, where people and parents everywhere are scrambling to get just the right gift for people on their list. That’s when they realize that they can’t afford just the right gift, so most…
Texas State Republican Lawmaker Behind Sting To Arrest ‘Liberal’ Rock Bands
Austin, Texas – Members of three rock bands were arrested last night in what the Austin Police Department called a “copyright sting.” The arrests took place in two Sixth Street bars. “They violated copyright laws, so we busted them,” said…