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Social Media Icons!

Social Media Icons!

I mentioned a while back that this was going to be a BIG YEAR.

Well, we now have an unbelievable panoply social media sharing icons at the bottom of every article!

Make sure you avail of them.

We’re always looking to make things bigger and better, here at Glossy News.

For any new pitches, submissions or feedback, please email Brian glossynews@gmail.com or Wallace wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes, Top Stories0 Comments

4K Glossy News PODCAST 072 (2-1-17) – Ground Hog’s Day Edition

4K Glossy News PODCAST 072 (2-1-17) – Ground Hog’s Day Edition

The 4K/UHD podcast is back with a whole new take on 2017.

* I got my buddy a free shirt.

* I’m on pace to hit a million views this year, but there’s so much more here…

* It could have been a Hot Stream, but it’s the Kodi Box, specifically with Exodus. You just but it, plug it in to your TV, and the damn thing just works. It’s like Netflix, but with EVERY TV show and movie, kind of since forever. Continue Reading

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Posted in Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Fake News for Fake People! (3/3)

This is KIND OF fake news, insofar as it hasn’t actually happened yet.

Loudmouthed Boston characters to replace the previously shy & retiring NYC ones?

C’mon, people!

MAKE IT HAPPEN

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Here’s a salutary lesson for INTELLIGENT Twitter users…

Or not so much, as the case may be.

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Death of a beautiful career?

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Not a fake quote, but easily misunderstood until you probe a little deeper.

Cartman gets an anal probe?

Nah! Ike gets a deeply fastidious one!

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Sorry about the small writing. I guess that’s the least of our worries. What IS IT with this pretentious idiot?

(Sorry, did I mean Ted Haggard or Richard Dawkins?)

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PSSSST!
Don’t worry if the print on that last one was too small to read.
You’re REALLY, REALLY not missing too much.

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Fake Memes for Fake People! (2/3)

WTF? Did Orwell actually say this?

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Citrus surprise looking a little bitter

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Fake tan, fake opinions, fake Trump card

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Fake-o liberals and conservatives in Germany think book burning is more effective than winning the argument against fascism

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Fake Memes for Fake People! (1/3)

Whatever happens, Ensuite Johnny gonna Ensuite! Lookin’ pretty chill there, bro!

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Dave on his best behaviour for the New Year? Pigs will fly! 😉

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There are those who demonize and stereotype autistic folks. But then, there are also those self-diagnosed autistic justice warriors who try to gild us.

Hardly much of an improvement, is it?

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STOP HATE SPEECH AGAINST CORPORATIONS

THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO, AND THEY HAVE FEELINGS!

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***

Psst! Two more instalments coming up tomorrow!
If you have some memes you made and want to share with us, email wallacerunnymede@gmail.com.
We’ll make sure to put ’em up there!
Wallace

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Real Fake News is Losing Credibility

Real Fake News is Losing Credibility

Real Fake News (RFN) is the only non-partisan news source left. And its integrity is under sustained attack by the peddlers of illegitimate fake news. It’s being stomped on by those charlatans who declare themselves honest, rational and accurate.

Abdul O’Shaunessy, one of the best known Real Fake News writers working today, emphasized this point by adding, “Those partisan pricks are taking over.”

Abdul is right. The purveyors of illegitimate fake news have cleanly divided into two partisan camps. And each of those camps declare themselves to be the paragon of honesty.

We writers of the RFN say right up front we’re gonna lie like hell and then present our lies honestly in a straightforward manner.

So, who are you going to trust? Those people who tell you what you are about to read is total bullshit or those who swear what they are telling you is the absolute truth?

It’s getting tougher and tougher to compete when we are all telling the same lies about the same people. Those partisan pricks are encroaching into our territory without shame and without mercy.

Let’s take a recent example of an incident that occurred during the presidential inauguration. Specifically, the moment when Mrs. Trump gave Mrs. Obama the traditional gift marking the transition of administrations.

Anti-Trumpers called Melania “A haughty Empress who considers the Obamas lowbrow and quite bourgeois. She showed her disdain by off-handedly tossing her box on the table and moving away from the rabble as fast as she could.”

The Pro-Trumpers referred to the event as “A gracious gesture on the part of Mrs. Trump to show her appreciation of how Mrs. Obama has conducted herself as the FLOTUS.” They called it “typical” when Mrs. Obama showed no appreciation whatsoever.

Mr. O’Shaunessy said the look on Michele’s face betrayed her aching desire to get her hands on Melania’s box. And ever since seeing Melania’s girl on girl spread in the fashion magazine article, she could think of little else.

Now all three are bullshit but the readers of the illegitimate fake news swallowed their preferred versions whole and are happy to repeat it to anyone who thinks just like they do.

But us RFN readers are much more sophisticated.

We understand how things really work.

We are perceptive, sharp and quite clever. We are truly the only intelligent consumers of information left.

Abdul O’Shaunessy had some chilling remarks about the future of Real Fake News.

“They’re filching our stuff. And some brilliant RFN writers, good friends of mine, have been coaxed over to their side. We are starting to lose our best and brightest.”

Please, don’t let our lies continue to lose their credibility.

Get up and call hooey on all of it.

Standup tall for sincere and heartfelt bullshit.

At this critical point, I can do little more than salute your dedication to honesty.

I’m sure Adbul will agree with me when I say that Real Fake News certainly attracts a better class of people.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Television3 Comments

NEWSFLASH: Republican Party Flip-Flop, Embrace ‘Sodomy’

NEWSFLASH: Republican Party Flip-Flop, Embrace ‘Sodomy’

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Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.

Ezekiel 16: 49

It’s just horrifying to hear the Republican Party have finally backslidden, and embraced the evil sin of Sodom!

May this needy God of theirs have mercy on their souls.

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Louis Armstrong & the What-About-Bop

Louis Armstrong & the What-About-Bop

My favorite Louis Armstrong song has to be ‘The What-About-Bop!’

What about, oh yeah, what about!
Everybody love dem what about!

The neocons love it, the Islamists love it!
Everyboy lovin’ dem what about!

Hey baby, hey baby what you whataboutin’ ’bout, girl?
Everybody lovin’ dem what about!

GOP God Squad love it,
Democrat Blame Squad love it,
Everybody lovin’ dem what about!

Got any more verses? Got friends and family who are not easily offended? Add them to the comments below, and the editorial staff will publish them!

Alternatively, send your funny stuff to Brian & Wallace @ Glossy News:

glossynews@gmail.com
wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

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Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

LAST DAY OF MY JANUARY BOOK SALE!

LAST DAY OF MY JANUARY BOOK SALE!

Today is your last chance to get the 1st eds of my CreateSpace print books, available both at the CreateSpace store and at all Amazon stores globally.

These 1st editions are being phased out after today; in favor of 2nd editions, which will be available in February. So, they are at the lowest price I was permitted to sell them at!

The CreateSpace store gives the best royalties; but Amazon more convenient for many buyers, who don’t have an Amazon account.

My two poetry volumes, Alpine Chanter I The Braying Angel)

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+braying+angel+createspace&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Athe+braying+angel+createspace

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=the+braying+angel+wallace&sitesearch_type=STORE

& II (Foaming the Optics)

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=foaming+the+optics&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afoaming+the+optics

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=foaming+the+optics&sitesearch_type=STORE

have regular print, large print, and giant print.

The other two books are regular print only: Graveyard of the Pieties & The Great Flâneur Narrative.

Happy reading! More news soon on the 2nd editions.

 

 

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc0 Comments

Free Book Deal, 1 to 5 Feb! Anti UKIP Satire.

Free Book Deal, 1 to 5 Feb! Anti UKIP Satire.

My collection of satire stories on UKIP (some of them previously published on various online humor outlets, including Glossy News), is undergoing its periodic free book giveaway!

From 1 to 5 Feb 2017, you can catch up with Tarquin absolutely FREE…

With a zero-cost download from Amazon!

This short story collection brings together some heartwarming and disrespectfully pointed satire stories about Baron Tarquin Binnett De Albion, Esquire. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc0 Comments

Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse

Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse

In a groundbreaking pronouncement, the International Forum of Theoretical Physicists today stated that Donald Trump’s election confirmed the existence of the multiverse.

At a press conference held at the National Academy of Sciences, Belinda Suarez, IFTP’s executive director, declared that our plane of existence is only one of an infinite number of universes with distinct histories, thereby putting an end to decades of debate in the scientific community.

When pressed about the connection between Trump and the multiverse, Suarez stated that the U.S. presidential election results struck the scientific community as such an astronomically improbable event that they inspired some of the world’s leading mathematicians and physicists to calculate their likelihood.

Given Trump’s flagrant contempt for women, blacks, Hispanics, the LGBTQ community, Muslims, immigrants, disabled persons, war heroes, and basic human decency, the scientists discovered that the odds of his election were so prodigiously minute that they proved we reside in the only universe in the infinite multiverse where this could have possibly taken place.

Suarez stated that, “When scientists previously theorized about the multiverse, they postulated that anything that could possibly happen actually did, only in an alternate timeline. In other words, there’s a universe where Germany won the Second World War, another where Kim Kardashian is Pope, and a third where people eat nothing but asparagus. In some universes, humans have arms growing out of their foreheads or tank treads instead of feet. Literally every possible scenario exists in a reality separate from our own. It therefore struck us that, somewhere in some other universes, scientists were discussing the preposterous assertion that the United States would elect Donald Trump president. It turns out we were right. And they laughed at us.”

When pressed about who exactly “laughed at us,” Suarez replied with, “We built a machine to communicate with the other universes, and most of them laughed at us. We also received quite a few condolences. Pope Kim the First wrote us a very heartfelt epistle. The asparagus universe’s scientists are working on a device to ship us a bouquet of conciliatory… well… asparagus. We tried to dissuade them, but they insisted.”

Apparently, several universes remarked on our terrible situation, including one where people eat their own feces for breakfast, another where giant praying mantises evolved to become our autocratic masters, and a third where the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse hold sway over a shattered hellscape. They all thanked their respective gods/demons/insect overlords that they did not reside in our reality.

Asked if any universes expressed joy at Trump’s election, Suarez paused and responded “Well, the universe where Donald Trump is Emperor of the Moon thought it was pretty great.”

Suarez concluded her briefing by addressing how the scientific community planned to utilize this amazing discovery. “We’re working on a machine to transport us into literally any other universe. I personally want to get the hell out of here, and I’m sure many of you feel the same.”

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics, Science2 Comments

How Bridges Are Really Made!

How Bridges Are Really Made!

Bridges

Bridges span everything from troubled waters to Terabithia, and are a major important, but how they really made?

WHERE DO BRIDGE?
First, political leaders identify a place where bridges done need to be made.
They do this by looking where folks go and how much water or revines there do is.
From there, they identify the shortest point from A to B where they should bridge. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts, Top Stories0 Comments

New Video Channel! Wallace Runnymede Video Bomb! (2/2) AND BOOK SALE TOO!

New Video Channel! Wallace Runnymede Video Bomb! (2/2) AND BOOK SALE TOO!

Whew! Did you just catch that?!

http://glossynews.com/top-stories/201701230832/new-video-channel-wallace-runnymede-video-bomb-12/

Here’s some more about my Youtube channel…

With a bit of info about a very, VERY special book deal too!

So…

Right then.

What channels do I have?

Song parodies

I will NEVER monetize this channel, except if the parody relates to any public domain/out-of copyright songs! So… ZERO ads! Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes, Top Stories0 Comments

New Video Channel! Wallace Runnymede Video Bomb! (1/2)

New Video Channel! Wallace Runnymede Video Bomb! (1/2)

I set up my old Youtube channel a while back: Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

EPIC Album Dream Team: Charles Manson Joins Kanye Turbo Grafx 16 Family!

EPIC Album Dream Team: Charles Manson Joins Kanye Turbo Grafx 16 Family!

Kanye West has once again surprised his fans and critics alike by announcing plans to collaborate with the infamous serial killer Charles Manson on an upcoming album.

Turbo Grafx 16 promises to be the most edgy and non-conformist albums yet from one of the most creative and innovative stars of rap.

Yet sadly, contrary to persistent rumours in recent times, Kanye West is not collaborating with fellow artistic geniuses Vanilla Ice and Justin Bieber.

So, it really is just Kanye ‘n’ Charles this time! Or as Kanye himself calls him: Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Music4 Comments

Glossy News Classics: The Series Continues! But Will YOU One Day Make It?

Glossy News Classics: The Series Continues! But Will YOU One Day Make It?

Regular readers will be aware that we recently launched the Glossy News Classics series.

Choice cuts and prime pickings from the vast, VAST back catalog of the second longest-running fake news humor site! Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

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