Cage the Elephant Parody (There Ain’t No Rest for the Splitters)


I was walking down to Waitrose
When out the corner of my eye
She said
I’ve never seen a pleb
Who looks so unenlightened
Join me and Jez, so that the workers can be free?
I saw a pretty little Marxist hailing me

Pay my vagina 50 pence
Then our shakey Party will commence
Your praxis will be dynamic don’t you see
I’ll grasp your hammer all the way
To the grand Siberian bay
You can be Trotsky, I’ll be Stalin, boy
The Party’s sexy all the way

I said

“You’re such a sweet young Commie
I hope that you can be the Mommie of
My future champagne socialist regime!”

But when she flicked her Waitrose Russian hat
I realised my comrade was a twat
Yet she licked her lips seductively
And this is what she said

Oh no, there ain’t no rest for the Splitters
Comrade Jez has a money tree
I got demos to raise
I got Jews to defame
There ain’t nothing that pleases me

My Tumblr can’t slow down
And my Twitter’s suspended
For demonising Jews
Oh no there ain’t no rest for the Splitters
Until they Gulag me up for good

Not even fifteen minutes later
I’m still walking down the street
When I saw a creepy man before my eyes
And then he put his hand down my behind
His bearskin cap upon his head
Made it clear he’s treatin’ dirty plebs aright

He said

Now I’m a fucking Trot
I want your money plus your wife
But if you’re a Zio or a Tory I won’t think twice
I told him

“Kiss my fuckin’ ass
You Commie wanker, gotta pass!
What made you first believe in all this shite?”

He said

There ain’t no rest for the Splitters
We’re morally diseased
Drive the investors away
Burn all your flags today
So the workers can be free

We’ll slow the economy down
And bring you back
To the 11th centuREEEEEEEEEE!
Oh no there ain’t no rest for the Splitters
Until the voters wipe us out for good

Well now a couple hours passed
Lying in my bachelor pad
I found out Venezuela, she was finally on her knees
But the Trot girl from before
She was bangin’ on my back door
Her pompous jargon, I can’t pretend to comprehend

I saw she looked a little rough, had taken DXM and crack
There was a party in her pants or so I thought
I said “You alright there, love?”
Grabbed the MDMA she had brought
Tearfully grabbed my junk and shook me,
Baby this is what she said:

Oh no, there ain’t no rest for the Splitters
Our war’s against reality
I got 50 quid beers
A flood of Tankie Tears
Comrade, give me your sympathy

My credit rating’s fucked
Because I overspent my loan
On cocaine and champagne and Vintage Brut
Oh no there ain’t no rest for the Splitters
Now my liver is wrecked for good

Then a scary creepy man grabbed me from behind
And started getting me undressed

Oh no there ain’t no rest for the Splitters
Now Daddy’s Trust fund is gone for good
On no there ain’t no rest for the Splitters
Lick Jez’s hammer, you bourgeois Prude!


Where did this come from though: Well, I’m sure a few of you are familiar with this song by Cage the Elephant:

Youtube channel here.

Not so sure about the Chris Ray Gun anti-SJW parody though?

And this is Chris’s channel.


Trump-Corbyn Syndrome Defined As New Mental Disorder

Is Comrade Corbyn Too Extreme… Or Not Extreme Enough?

Entirely Fictional Jeremy Corbyn Apparently Less Extreme than the Real One

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!