Categorized | Music

Don’t Let’s Be Beastly To The Muslims (GUEST POST FROM ALLAN B. GOLDSTEIN)

Don’t Let’s Be Beastly To The Muslims (GUEST POST FROM ALLAN B. GOLDSTEIN)

(GUEST POST BY Allan B. Goldstein: Louisville, KY)

We must be kind and with an open mind
We must set out to find a way …To let the Muslims know that when the war is over
They are not the ones who’ll have to pay.
We must be sweet and tactful and discreet
And when they’ve suffered their defeat
We mustn’t let them get upset
Or ever get …
The feeling that we’re cross with them or hate them.
Our future policy must be to reinstate them.

Don’t let’s be beastly to the Muslims
When our days of celebration finally come.
It was just their filthy clerics who persuaded them to fight,
And their Hamas and al-Qaida simply bark worse than they bite.
Let’s be meek to them and turn the other cheek to them,
And playfully pat their women on the bum.
Let’s show them moral clarity and treat the rats with charity,
But don’t let’s be beastly to the scum.

We must be just and earn their love and trust
And in addition we must be wise …
And ask the conquered shits to join our hands to aid them.
That would be a wonderful surprise.
For many years they’ve lived in floods of tears,
Because the poor little dears
Have been so wronged and only longed
To change the world;
Derange the world and beat the world to blazes.
This is the time that we ought to sing their praises.

Don’t let’s be beastly to the Muslims
When we’re beating the Wahhabis like a drum.
Let us treat them very kindly as we would a valued friend.
We might send them out some rabbis as a form of lease and lend.
Let’s be sweet to them and day by day repeat to them
“Beheadings are misunderstood by some.”
Let’s help the Arabs of Sudan to slaughter every Nubian clan,
But don’t let’s be beastly to the scum.

Don’t let’s be beastly to the Muslims
When their umpteenth broken treaty makes us glum.
We must send them food and medicine and everything they need
For their peaceable intentions will be U.N. guaranteed! ~
Let’s be free with them and give the BBC to them.
* [ahem … we already do]
Al-Masri simply wants to be our chum.
Let’s help them sing for Allah’s praise
And whip and stone to death the gays,
But don’t let’s be beastly to the scum.

Don’t let’s be beastly to the Muslims
For you can’t deprive a drunkard of his rum.
Look away from the polygamists as they enslave their wives.
The oil they sell – and Al Jazeera – brighten up our lives.

Let’s break our bread with them
Because we’re stuck in bed with them.
The street behind the palace is a slum.
Let’s saunter down to Chop Chop Square;
Enjoy the entertainment there,
But don’t let’s be beastly to the scum.

Don’t let’s be beastly to the Muslims
When their endless acts of terror leave us numb.
Though they’ve been a little violent
To the Hindu and the Jew
Still we lefties will support them
‘Cause they torture Christians too.

Let’s place trust in them
As we ignore blood-lust in them.
Compared with them we liberals are dumb.
Let’s help them to feel GREAT again
And teach their children HATE again,
But don’t let’s be beastly
(‘Tis better to be priestly)
And don’t let’s be beastly to the scum.


Image attribution:

By Rodin777 (Self-taken photo by uploader) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Further reading:

Noël Coward Parody: Don’t Let’s Be Beastly to Jihadists

Read Wallace’s reflections on this controversial parody, where he zooms out into the broader social and political context:

Recent Noel Coward Parody: Reflections on Social Generalisations


This post was written by

- who has written 269 posts on

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.


Leave a Reply

We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!

Check us out on Kickstarter!

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL Videos) --

Glossy News Fake Commercials!

More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial