Fux News channel reports that rap singer and amateur actress Barbra Streisand has been selling clothes, movie costumes, personal sex toys, autographed erotic pantywear and items of garden furniture at a Los Angeles car boot auction due moving to a new home are apparently being hotly contested in light of freshly-circulating gossip hot off the rumour mill that she’s trying to raise money for a mammoth (sic – no pun intended) nose job. Continue Reading

Did David Cameron’s father buy him the Conservative Party? No, he only bought him a 51% majority share.

Has Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg slept with 3,000 women? Absolutely not – it’s more like 2,350 women, 522 men, and a mix of 180 transvestites and she-males, usually for a three at a time all-night cluster-fuck session. Hence why he always looks knackered in Parliament. Continue Reading

10. Work with me, sleep with me – comedy rules.
9. Scandal schmandal, it’s fun to flirt.
8. Robert J. “Joe” Halderman, one more GOP Joe wanting my pants.
7. Thought I could show Obama how to handle his nemesii Beck’n'Baugh. Continue Reading

Celebrity television chef and Hottentot-arsed slapper Nigella Porkson has this week revealed for the Daily Shitraker some of her best kept secrets.

(Read the latest Nigella Lawson here.)

Who would have suspected that Nigella prefers take-away Chew and Spew fast food junk to the crap she cooks up for goggle-box cuisine addicts and cordon bleu celebrity gourmet posers – and really is an insatiable nympho’ who does disgusting things with cucumbers, eggplants and courgettes before serving them up as table fare. Continue Reading

Chicago – In a widely anticipated appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton offered her sympathy to Jenny Sanford, the wife of admitted adulterer, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. To the audience’s surprise, Mrs. Clinton then addressed nagging questions about her own marriage to Bill Clinton. Continue Reading

Perhaps it was just a matter of time, but Katrina Darrell’s unauthorized “adult” photos have finally shown up online. Confidential sources have told Glossy News that the amateur photos were sold, along with brief video footage, to Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame for a sum in excess of $50,000. As of press time, representatives for Ms. Darrell, Joe Francis, Girls Gone Wild, and American Idol have yet to respond to questions. Continue Reading

I’ve seen that Sharon Osbourne and wondered how much of the icy face we see is put on by MTV and how much of it is the machinations of her own inner demons. Between the erratic behavior on her American obscure end cable show and what I’ve learned from the likes of Ricky Gervais, I had to wonder, but when I finally got my screener copy of the BBC hidden camera show “Balls of Steel”, I knew for sure… that lady isn’t just crazy, she’s straight up evil, almost as if she’s trying to reinvent the very devil herself. Continue Reading

Springfield– Brian K. White, noted contemporary humorist and satirist has been struggling for weeks to find a new angle from which to mock Mary Kate and/or Ashley Olsen. “I’ve been read by millions,” explains White, “but I’ve been drawing a blank on those disappointing little trollops. I don’t think I’ve lost my edge, I just fear it’s all been done.” Continue Reading

Pfizer has released their newest series of commercials for the highly popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. During a New York Yankees game last week Pfizer debuted their new commercial. The new advertising campaign abandons their previous approach of “Blue pill makes pappy happy,” in favor of their more direct demographic approach. Continue Reading

Hollywood – Brad Pitt has aknowleged that his “seven years in T’Bitch” has officially ended. With both Pitt and his A-list ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston back on the dating scene, surveys have shown that instances of fan masturbation are reaching new highs, indeed, bordering on epidemic. Continue Reading

Macaulay Culkin, long the idol of Jacksonian worship, has reached new highs in his career and physiology this week with his drug arrest in, of all places, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Culkin made no comment about his star-turned-felon status which put him in the illustrious company of OJ, Zsa-Zsa and Kimberly from Diff’rent Strokes. Continue Reading

LOS ANGELES – ABC anchorwoman Barbara Walters ventured forth from her home in the hills just like any other day- but this time she forgot the soft focus blur that has become a staple for any appearance she makes, on television or otherwise. The crippling shock of seeing the 109-year-old Walters without her vanity mask of soft focus blur caused a massive accident on Rodeo Dr. in Beverly Hills, killing 16 motorists and passengers and seven pedestrians. Continue Reading