Author: Veto Votti

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Capitol Hill is under lockdown after reports that an intoxicated telephone pole hit a pedestrian walking by his position on Constitution Avenue. The assault allegedly occurred early Saturday morning after a pair of street lamps to the…

Conservatives around the nation are rejoicing at news that former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has be awarded a Doctorate of Philosophy in General Studies by Pensacola Christian College. According to sources close to the governor, Palin began working on…

After semesters of humiliation, a major league nerd at the University of Arizona has exacted revenge on the group of frat brothers who targeted him for ridicule for his nerdiness, among other faults. In a personal interview with Bill Maher,…

AUBURN – After years of internal struggle, a Libertarian activist has come forth and admitted his chosen ideology does not make any sense. Jon Rockwell, 23, who likes to go by the nickname “Voluntaryist Rand,” told reporters that Libertarianism cannot…

After weeks of crisis and gridlock, Italians have a new prime minister, and his name is Biden. That is, Joseph Robinette Biden. America’s vice president was selected for the position after consensus picks such as Oliver Stone and Roman Polanski…

RANSON – An angry, cornfed beefcake has announced his intention to quit the family farm and apply for a full professorship at Harvard University. Josiah Wilkins, who has only completed a GED and 10 college credits, made his plans clear…

MIDDELTOWN – With the frightening prospect of his last test this semester for SOC 101 at Lord Fairfax Community College heightening, Bo Buzby is heading to church. “I simply cannot afford to go through with this trial without first making…

In an effort to attract the more diverse crop of voters and political revolutionaries emerging in President Obama’s second term, Democrat leaders announced early Wednesday that their party’s name will be changed to “Socialist-Liberal-Progressive-Democrat-Marxist-Leninist-Maoist Party for Pansexual and Botox Patient…

Paris and Washington have become embroiled in scandal after a set of romantic correspondences between presidents Francois Hollande and Barack Obama were leaked to the press. The letters detail a passionate, and at times even steamy fusion of love across…