After weeks of crisis and gridlock, Italians have a new prime minister, and his name is Biden. That is, Joseph Robinette Biden.
America’s vice president was selected for the position after consensus picks such as Oliver Stone and Roman Polanski lost out due to a last minute revolt by Silvio Berlusconi’s People of Freedom Party, which desired to put Monica Bellucci in the position.
Swarmed by reporters outside his office in Washington, Biden kissed each of their noses and laughed off his career change.
“I guess it’s time for me to practice an Indian accent. That’s the predominant language of Italy. Did I ever tell you I am an Aborigine?”
When asked if Biden will have to resign the vice presidency in preparation for his new role, President Obama said no.
“Joe is Joe. Just like when debating PD Ryan last year, Joe was Joe. He’s got some great pearly whites and is otherwise pretty damn useless, so I’m happy to see this development occur.”
As a general precaution, the Italians have hired a two-bit shill with the last name Frum to write Biden’s speeches in hopes of avoiding further charges of plagiarism.