Author: NickFun
Edward Snowden’s Girlfriend Lindsay Mills Just An “Average” Poll Dancer
Many supporters of government whistleblower Edward Snowden claim that his girlfriend Lindsay Mills is just an “average” pole dancer with no special attributes. “I’ve seen Lindsay dance and she ain’t nothing special”, said New York bartender Sal Jennings, 37. “She…
Lawyer Files Class Action Suit Against State Farm Insurance for False Advertising
Blase Inzina has filed a class action suite against State Farm Insurance for claiming that reciting their company jingle would bring an instant representative followed by mystic gain and benefits. State Farm customer Sheila Potekin said her car was attacked…
California Bans Lighters, Matches
In an effort to cut down on arson and cigarette smoking, the California legislature unanimously approved a measure to ban the use, sale and/or distribution of “lighters, matches and other forms of portable incendiary devices”. “Cigarettes and flammable tobacco products…
Monica Lewinsky’s Dress to be Sold at Auction
After being rejected by the Smithsonian, Monica Lewinsky announced today that she will be selling her famous, blue, semen-stained dress at auction. Southeby’s, Inc., which will be handling the sale, predicts the historic dress should fetch up to $10 million…
Pope Francis to Allow Fellatio, Cunnilingus
Newly elected Pope Francis announced today that he will allow parishioners over the age of 50 the option of giving and receiving fellatio and cunnilingus to ensure “marital harmony and to enhance the sex lives of the faithful”. Ora sex…
China Admits to Hacking US Computers
China’s military leaders admitted today that they have been hacking into American military and industrial computers since the advent of the internet. “Of course we’ve been hacking into American computers. You hack into ours, we hack into yours. That’s what…
NASA Scientists Warn; More Asteroids, Comets and Meteors On The Way to Destroy Earth
NASA scientists have revealed that the recent meteor explosion in Russia, the flyby of asteroid 212 DA 124, the strange meteor shower over Florida and the mysterious fireball spotted over southern California are simply precursors of the devastation yet to…
In Response to Obamacare, Medical Schools to Lower Their Standards
In order to address a growing shortage of doctors predicted under the Obamacare program, medical schools across the country have announced that they will be lowering their standards for incoming med students. “We used to accept only the best and…
Justin Bieber May Soon Start Using Heroin, Meth According to Experts
Experts examining a recent photo of Justin Bieber smoking marijuana fear that the youthful pop star may soon graduate to harder drugs such as heroin and methamphetamines. “Pot is a gateway drug to harder substances”, said Los Angeles youth counselor…
Hillary Clinton Poisoned By Palestinian Terrorists
Contrary to published reports, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton did not suffer digestive difficulties followed by a fainting spell followed by a blood clot but was actually poisoned by unnamed Palestinian militant terrorists. “We knew most people weren’t falling for…