Edward Snowden’s Girlfriend Lindsay Mills Just An “Average” Poll Dancer

Many supporters of government whistleblower Edward Snowden claim that his girlfriend Lindsay Mills is just an “average” pole dancer with no special attributes.

“I’ve seen Lindsay dance and she ain’t nothing special”, said New York bartender Sal Jennings, 37. “She can’t do handstands. She doesn’t hug the pole in a real sexy way. Really nothing special”.

“I can see why he dumped her”, said 24 year old librarian Stacy Bertalucci. “I’m a librarian and I’m sexier than that!”

RIGHT: Snowden’s maiden in wait. Click to enlarge everything about the photo except for her breasts.

Bertalucci claims she can put both her legs behind her head, an attribute Mills does not have. “And I can do back handsprings!” she boasted.

Mills defended her dance techniques by saying “those girls say they can do those things but do they in front of an audience of horny men? No they don’t so tell them all to shut up!”

Snowden has been praised for not allowing his infatuation with the pole dancer to prevent him from revealing the truth about America spying on its citizens. Snowden downplayed the significance. “I’m not really that into her”, he claimed.

Jenyne Butterfly…Winner of 1st Pole World Cup, says she will offer free dance lessons to Mills. “You just wait and you’ll be coming in your pants!” Butterfly claimed.

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