China’s military leaders admitted today that they have been hacking into American military and industrial computers since the advent of the internet.
“Of course we’ve been hacking into American computers. You hack into ours, we hack into yours. That’s what all countries do!” said Chinese Defense Minister Liang Guanglie.
Guanglie further stated that the United States cannot keep any secrets from China due to China’s advanced hacking abilities.
“Just last night we hacked into President Obama’s Skype account while he had Skype sex with Mrs. Obama. Very hot!” Guanglie stated. “And she look very good in leather bustier and stockings!”
Other sources stated that the Chinese government has hacked into every American industry including aerospace, defense, telecommunications, aviation, robotics and all types of manufacturing. They have even hacked into the lucrative American porn industry.
“We make more money off porn that we do off all that military stuff”, said Chinese Premier Wen Jiabo.
Jiabo said that the Chinese government knows as much or more about Americans than the US government.
“We have files on all American citizens. We know when you are sleeping. We know when you’re awake. We know if you’ve been bad or good”, Jiabo concluded.