In order to address a growing shortage of doctors predicted under the Obamacare program, medical schools across the country have announced that they will be lowering their standards for incoming med students.
“We used to accept only the best and the brightest”, said Harvard Medical School Dean Jeffrey Flier, MD. “Now we are forced to accept anyone with a high school GPA of 1.0 or higher”.
Flier said the Obamacare program is preventing doctors from making a decent living and the smartest students have been choosing more lucrative majors.
“Malpractice insurance alone is over $350,000 a year for most physicians”, Flier explained. “Office prices are going through the roof. Working conditions have become intolerable. Not to mention the skyrocketing cost of new technologies. It’s almost impossible for a doctor to make a living anymore. You would have to be a moron to become a doctor these days. So we have started accepting morons”.
Justin Perve, a high school senior, thought his career choices would not extend past mowing lawns and raking leaves but was overjoyed to hear he had just been accepted to Harvard Medical School.
“Oh boy!” Perve exclaimed. “I’m gonna be a frickin doctor! If this don’t work out I can still mow lawns on the side!”
Other medical schools expressed displeasure at having to ‘dumb down’ their requirements but said they had no choice.
Yale School of Medicine Dean Robert Alpern said, “in this current academic climate we have no choice but to forgo the best and best and the brightest and accept the scum of the Earth.
Alpern also stated that current testing requirements which include bedside manner and examination techniques will no longer be required. And students will not be required to maintain anything higher than a D average. And the tests will be modified to enable the less-intelligent students to pass. And cheating will be allowed.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures”, said Tufts Medical School spokesperson Amelia Aierhead.