Author: Kilroy
Romney Campaign Crashes Into Yet Another Tree
While driving his three nation campaign BlitzMobile at a high rate of speed, Mitt Romney apparently fell asleep at the wheel and crashed his vehicle into a tree. “Candidate Romney is pretty banged up,” said a spokesman, “but he’s resting…
Cowardly Lion Refuses to Return Medal Following Steroid Accusation
(AP-OZ)–The Cowardly Lion, who gained worldwide fame for a rescuing a Kansas teen from The Wicked Witch, has allegedly tested positive for anabolic steroids and a Human Growth Hormone known as LGH. A spokesman for the Wizard of Oz told…
Freaking Journalist Agitates Candidates, Deemed “Terrorist”
Police are on the look out for a rouge freelance journalist suspected of reckless disregard of media protocol and assault with a rhetorical question. The unknown journalist first struck at a Romney campaign stop in New Hampshire and asked about…
Burger King Abdicates to Carl’s Jr.
Wikileaks uncovered details concerning a previously unknown sex tape between the Burger King and Ruby Tuesday Thursday, forcing the Burger King to abdicate his burger empire to Carl’s Jr. “It is with great regret that the Burger King agrees to…
Leaked Torture Study Truly Unbelievable
What follows is an excerpt from a leaked torture study titled Judicious Use of Cognitive and Physical Trauma to Elicit Psychic Response–By Dr.Gunter Chang. This is not for the feint of heart or the wobbly of knees. Read ahead with…
Jackie Chan’s Rush Hour 4 Stalled?
While promoting their newest film Rush Hour 4 in New York City yesterday, Jackie Chan apparently became enraged at Chris Tucker’s self-promotion as the “star” of the franchise and strangled him to death in front of hundreds of shocked on-lookers.
Osama’s “24”; Transition to Hell Documented
Anxious to give Hollywood even more in-depth details surrounding the hunt and “sanctioned removal” of Osama Bin Laden, the Obama Administration has unwittingly acknowledged the existence of innovative new technology. Using the Baal2012 SuperComputer leased by StrangleCorp, the government has…
StrangleCorp to Bid on Navy Rail Gun Project
StrangleCorp has announced its intention to bid on the Navy’s Electromagnetic Railgun Project after the current testing cycle is complete. “We’ve been watching BAE System’s and General Atomics’ progress through the prototype stage very closely and we’re pretty confident that…
Trump Killed By Mob; Resurrected By Satan
Enraged at Donald Trump’s failed political career, scores of angry investors screwed out of millions in campaign dollars converged on Trump’s limo outside a district court, pulled him from the vehicle and strangled him to death with his own comb-over.
Ghost of Thurber Stalks Keith Olbermann
Keith Olbermann now admits he “screwed up” by once failing to complete Part Three of James Thurber’s “The Greatest Man in the World” and is haunted by the irate ghost of the long departed writer and cartoonist. Keith Olbermann, former…