Author: Kilroy
Bangladeshi Woman Rescued After 17 Days Told “Get Back to Work”
Bangladeshi rescuers pulled a garment worker alive from the rubble of a building 17 days after the collapse and immediately ordered her back to work. Referring to her time buried alive as “17 days unauthorized vacation”, the garment factory she…
Minor movie critic found dead after reviewing “Constantine”
Not particularly renown movie critic Kilroy Kovacs was found dead early this morning after becoming stranded on the Long Island Expressway during a blizzard. Kilroy was one of four bodies discovered near an SUV which had gotten stuck and run…
Arafat’s Body Missing
Ramallah, Occupied West Bank – Scientists and legal experts from Switzerland, France and Russia were shocked today to discover Yassar Arafat’s body missing from his tomb in Ramallah. The international community struggled to come up with a theory about what…
Election Day, Why Not Choose a Dictator?
Charles and David Koch Koch Industries 666 Koch Avenue Koch, Kansas GlossyNews.com – RE: President of the United States Dear Human Resources Manager: I am applying for the position of President of the United States. Please find attached my resume….
Democrats Concede 2012 Election
In an unprecedented move, President Obama and all democratic candidates have conceded the election to their respective opponents. Democratic Party Chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz announced the collective concession this morning. Initially believed to be an elaborate early Halloween prank, it…
The Only 14 Zingers at the 2012 Presidential Debate
Respective political rhetoric aside, there were only a few bright (or even interesting) moments in the presidential debate. Following are the only 14 things even close to a “zinger” uttered by Obama, Romney or Jim Lehrer. 1) Romney: “Happy Anniversary,…
GlossyNews Finds Man Who’s Never Heard of Obama or Romney
(GlossyNews) — Deep in the swamps of Louisiana, reporters for GlossyNews have discovered a man who has never heard of either presidential candidate. He is believed to be the last of his kind. Inviting the curious journalists inside his spacious…
Six Significant Sporting Bans for Lance Armstrong
Now that Lance Armstrong has been officially banned from “Sport” for life by the USADA, Glossynews with the help of WikiLeaks has uncovered associated bans in the fine print. While Armstrong still maintains the USADA power to enforce the ban…
Pop-up Ads Ruin Life in The Matrix
The appearance of pop-up ads in everyday reality has prompted leading scientists to speculate that what we perceive as “real life” is nothing more than a virtual reality simulation. “And that’s not the bad news,” stated Dr. Zachary Smith, lead…
2012 Campaign Issues for Dummies
For those of us having a hard time keeping up with the issues this election year there’s welcome help on the horizon. John Wiley and Sons, Inc. released the latest in their series of voter issue references entitled, Campaign Issues…