Posted in Human Interest

Local Woman Saves Planet by Allowing Satan to Dwell in Her Abscessed Tooth

“The pain, Thweet Jethuth the pain,” yelled Cloris Zucker as the dentist poked around in her mouth trying to find the source of her discomfort. He started out innocently enough, beginning on the left side and working his way over…

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Posted in Human Interest Internets Tubes

Humor Blog Owes Success to Worldwide Spammers

ROCKY MOUNT, NC – A 37-year old unemployed factory worker turned humor blogger is reportedly thrilled by recent praise his previously unknown humor blog has received. Avowed bachelor and longtime fan of Wheel of Fortune, Buford Quigley told reporters today…

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Posted in Top Stories

Colorado Cantaloupe Caper Puts Serious Damper on Seniors’ Travels

NEW YORK CITY —GLOSSYNEWS The AARP has publicly called for the immediate, complete and total eradication of cantaloupe farming in Colorado. The state has now admitted to officials that it shipped tens, if not hundreds of thousands of the mountainous,…

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Posted in Human Interest

Sociologists Claim Geniuses Will Take Over World by 2040

Psychologists have recently discovered a disturbing strain of statistically abnormal humans living among us. Allegedly, these genetic mutants have advanced intelligence with I.Q.’s towering as much as 80 points above the rest of us normal people. They have been tentatively…

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Posted in Human Interest

Behavioral Therapy Teaches Polite Driver How to Be an Asshole

Paul Franklin is known to be a very nice and generous driver, but he recently confessed to friends that the reason he lets everyone go is because he has nowhere to be. “I used to think I was a nice…

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Posted in Crime Human Interest

Gang of 70-Year Olds on Mobility Scooters Terrorizing Orlando Tourists

The streets of some of Orlando’s most popular tourist destinations are being randomly terrorized by a gang of septuagenarians on mobility scooters. The gang, calling itself the 7 T’s, has so far escaped the law by ducking into restaurants during…

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