Posted in Politics

The Tea Party’s bold plans to eliminate the debt completely by December 17th

Earlier this month, after a long and contentious fight between Democrats and Tea Party Republicans, our federal government narrowly avoided its first-ever credit default. People all over the world waited anxiously to find out whether our elected officials were going…

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Posted in Religionism

Camping Not Sure How He Missed Predicting Own Stroke

SOUTH OAKLAND, CA —Glossy News Harold Camping [the American Christian radio host who falsely prophesied that the world would end on May 21] suffered a stroke in June but is slowly recovering. Acting on God’s advice, he will soon be…

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Posted in Society

The Take Back America Do-It-Yourself Self-Government Tool Kit

Does the depressed economy have you feeling DOWN!!!!??? Are you concerned because our government can’t seem to solve our spiraling debt crisis? Confused about how to end the stalemate between Republicans and Democrats over how to restore America’s former greatness…

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Posted in Politics Top Stories

Homeless Economist Doubts Change in Fed Monetary Policy Can Save Him

WASHINGTON – Embattled Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke’s position on the limited ability of the Fed to stimulate the nation’s sluggish economy was vigorously defended today by a homeless and badly undernourished former expert on monetary policy. Arthur Peterson, a 58-year-old unemployed…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Paranormal Group Explains Evil in Kate Gosselin Home

What began as a routine house cleansing by a local group of paranormal experts called in by Kate Gosselin to rid her home of some negative energy, turned into a blame game between Gosselin and the people trying to help…

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

Michele Bachmann Claims God Sometimes Tells Her to Say Stupid Things

Michele Bachmann appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation Sunday to cover her tracks yet again with the familiar line “Of course, that’s not what I meant to say. I was just trying to be funny.” Bachmann was trying to explain…

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Posted in Human Interest

Man Experiences Superhuman Strength And Lifts Remote

Clearwater, FL—Local Comcast technician, Mike Haynes, reportedly experienced superhuman strength after nine hours of television on Saturday. Between the eye strain and sore arm muscles from lifting over 18 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Haynes wasn’t sure if he’d have…

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

Bernanke Claims Quantity Not Quality Goal of New Stimulus Plan

In a shocking move this morning, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced yet another new plan to stimulate the US economy with what has been labelled ‘Quantative Easing Number Six Thousand Eight Hundred and Forty Seven.’ “Clearly the other six…

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Posted in Politics

Rationalist Party Nominates Neil deGrasse Tyson for President

This afternoon, after polling the five thousand intelligent and educated people in the United States, the recently-formed Rationalist Party announced its nomination of Neil deGrasse Tyson for President. The Rationalist Party was formed in early 2010 by fellows of the…

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Posted in Biz News Politics

Invisible Hand Sees its own Shadow, Two More Fiscal Quarters of Economic Downturn

New York, NY– On wall street today, the opening bell signaled one of the institution’s more macabre traditions, releasing the invisible hand, to determine whether it can see its own shadow or not. This tradition dates back to Adam Smith’s…

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Posted in Top Stories

Labor Day Cancelled

Due to America’s unusually high rate of unemployment, this is the first year since Labor Day became a federal holiday in 1894 that no workers will be taking the holiday off regardless of whether or not their employers are telling…

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Posted in Technology Top Stories

WikiLeaks Apologizes for Accidentally Releasing Everyone’s E-mail

LONDON – The anti-secrecy organization WikiLeaks  today issued a public apology for what it termed a “programming error” that resulted in the accidental release of all deleted messages of the world’s e-mail users. “We sincerely regret this error,” WikiLeaks founder…

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Posted in Making Headlines

New Research Shows Bible is True; Scientists Give Up

Think you know the Bible? Take the GlossyNews Unbeatable Bible Quiz!

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

Glossy News Rumor Mill on the Fritz

Glossy News is usually the first to get all the news that is fit to print out there for everyone in a somewhat timely manner. However, due to mechanical failures which have occurred in the past couple of weeks, the…

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