Month: June 2010
Christian Group to Boycott Deviled Eggs
Sao Paulo, Brasil (GlossyNewsSA) Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. Patrons at “Betty’s Eat-n-Greet” in Bon Temps, Louisiana voiced mixed reactions today on learning controversial religious leader Fred Phelps is at it again in their neighborhood….
Helen Thomas’s Attempt at Satire Backfires
Washington, D.C. (GlossyNews) -– Fur continues to fly over what some claim are very divisive comments by White House reporter Helen Thomas regarding Israel’s presence in Palestine. While Helen has apologized to everyone regarding the flap, the issue is just…
Guinness’ Curse? ‘World’s Oldest Person’ Keeps Dying
Holders of the Guinness Book of World Records title as the worlds oldest person are dying off at an alarming rate with no one olding the title for longer than 15 months before inexplicably losing their lives.
Economy Causes Jupiter Cloud Downsizing
Boat-Upon-River, Oxfordshire, England, Great Britain (GlossyUKNews) — Professor Percy Hyde-Warf spoke from Oxford’s esteemed Council on Planetary Stuff this week on the planet Jupiter’s recent atmospheric changes. The CPS Director told reporters, “In short ladies and gentlemen, it’s those bloody…
DUI Laws Lead to Unfair Profiling of Drunks
San Francisco, CA (GlossyNews) — Piggybacking on the protests over Arizona’s new immigration law that demands proof of citizenship from people dressed in pointy cowboy boots, polyester shirts, tattered sombreros and riding old girl’s bikes, an army of drunken drivers…
Louisianan Upset that Oil Spill is Killing Animals Before He Can
Tee Toos Landing, LA (GlossyNews) — Coonass Marty Boudreaux, who spends the bulk of his spare time drinking Dixie beer and shooting anything that moves, is pretty darned angry these days. That’s because a giant oil slick is coming on…
Obama Inspires Oil Spill to Clean Itself Up
Smelly Corners, LA (GlossyNews) — President Barack Obama’s recent visit to the Gulf Coast was billed as a chance for the Commander in Chief to assess the damage caused by the massive oil spill, but a top White House aid…
Obama Offers Citizenship to Mexicans Who Help Clean Up Oil Spill
Washington D C (GlossyNews) — In a stroke of political genius, President Obama has figured out a way to kill two birds with one oil blob. He has offered full American citizenship to any illegal immigrant who brings a mop,…
‘The Onion’ Publishes an Issue of True Stories
Foxpeter Grove, MD (GlossyNews) — The Onion, America’s premier satire and humor newspaper, shocked the literary world today by publishing an issue of ABSOLUTELY TRUE STORIES! The US’s flagship smart-ass site today reported on several newsworthy incidents that actually happened….
Sarah Palin Blames Drill Baby Drill Comments on Evil Twin
Wasilly, AK (GlossyNews) -– Finally, what the American people have been waiting for from Sarah Palin, the truth. No longer do we have to guess why she would backtrack on her famous “Drill, Baby, Drill” comment when, in fact, it…