San Francisco, CA (GlossyNews) — Piggybacking on the protests over Arizona’s new immigration law that demands proof of citizenship from people dressed in pointy cowboy boots, polyester shirts, tattered sombreros and riding old girl’s bikes, an army of drunken drivers are furious over current DUI laws they believe target their right to drive like kooks and kill anyone in their paths, they should really hire the DUI Attorneys Cherokee County to understand why this is total wrong.
The loosely organized group, known as, “I Drink I Drive,“ or I.D.I.D., whose platform includes a whiff of libertarian-ism, has fired off several letters to the President and Governors of various states and are planning a semi-orchestrated protest that involves driving thousands of cars into state capital buildings at 2:30 AM Sunday morning.
A spokesman for the group, 57 year old Leroy Needles, stood on a downtown street corner in Austin, Texas at 10 AM this morning to state his case.
“This is a protest against the officers who go running around just when they is thinking we might want to take an innocent spin in the car and let the wind blow through our hair or something,” explained Needles. “Just because we are out because we can’t sleep after only having a couple of beers is no reason we should have our blood and breath tested by some contraption. We believe the officers and the government is engaging in drunk profiling and our civil rights are being violated. Now get outta my way.”
Suddenly, Mr. Needles began to totter back and forth and stumbled into the middle of the intersection stopping all traffic. As onlookers gasped, he halfway unzipped his fly and urinated in his pants. That was followed by a loud “FUCK YOU“ directed toward the planet in general. He crawled into his car, that was parallel parked on the other side of the street, through a broken driver’s side window and lit a cigarette with a butane lighter turned up full blast. After ramming the cars parked in front and back of him, he made a U-Turn, which caused his door to fly open, and took off into oncoming traffic. He floored the gas pedal and sped off a distance of two blocks before running crazily into a ditch, briefly knocking himself out. The cigarette fell from his mouth and caught the car on fire which promptly exploded into flames.
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Two police officers, who were busy patting down a suspected homeless person they thought smelled like marijuana, ran over to the scene of the accident as Needles exited the vehicle. When he noticed the cops running toward him, Needles began to protest loudly while the video cameras rolled. “See what I mean! Thish ish what I’m talking about! An I ain’t even Messican! Goddammed faschistic mother fuckers!”