Washington D C (GlossyNews) — In a stroke of political genius, President Obama has figured out a way to kill two birds with one oil blob. He has offered full American citizenship to any illegal immigrant who brings a mop, bucket or leaf blower down to the Gulf Coast and helps clean up the giant oil spill washing ashore.
In a hastily arranged press conference, President Obama could hardly contain his excitement. “It looks like the good Lord has provided us with a solution and given us an army of the best of the best when it comes to cleaning up a mess. The first line of defense will be 20 million Mexicans with leaf blowers who will attempt to change the course of the spill by blowing it into a neighboring country. If that doesn’t work, another 75 million buckets and mops are waiting to go to work. We expect the work will be slow and deliberate involving entire families, but the beach will look better than ever when finished. At this time, buses are leaving Arizona crammed with workers and we expect them on the beach by dawn. When the job is finished we are going to have a gigantic ceremony on the sparkling clean beach and grant everyone full citizenship and all the rights thereof. Then they can all return to Arizona and vote all those white crackers out of Office.”
The State of Alabama, on the other hand, cutting off its nose to spite its face, has refused to let any Mexicans cross the state lines and help out. Instead, a group of fat dopey white people are going to sit in the fly infested stench of dead oily sea life and complain that “der ain’t no one talkin’ in no danged anglish nomores.”