Category: Top Stories
How to Remember Your Name
Other than being convicted of serial infant cannibalism, nothing is more embarrassing to an Older American than forgetting his own name. I attended last year’s Metropolitan Opera gala dressed as – like I’m supposed to remember? Wait… Richard Nixon? Soon…
Trump Claims He is a Necromancer
Washington DC (AP) In a remarkable disclosure in the Rose Garden Friday, President Trump announced, “When I arose this morning, I discovered I had the spiritual gift of being able to communicate with the dead. In fact, it was George…
Is The Voice Really Considering These Changes to Shake Things Up?
TV shows are constantly having to keep up with their rivals to deliver something different and zany to audiences. Love Island took us on a winter holiday in the middle of freezing January for its latest series, while The Masked…
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning All Masks
On Friday, President Trump signed an executive order banning all masks after he was photographed while wearing one, a “pleasure” he did not want to give the press, according to Trump. While the legality and practicality of enforcing this executive…
Hallmark Addresses LGBTQ+ Discrimination Accusations
Dear Viewers, As of late, our producers received several demands for diversity within our movies. Our strong white cis actor presence is something we recognize. Although we do not understand what “cis” means, a heterosexual female employee who once drunkenly…
Trump Proves That He Wore a Facemask on the Honeywell Factory Visit
Phoenix, AZ (AP) President Donald Trump when asked at a recent press encounter why he didn’t where a face mask on his recent tour of the Honeywell mask factory, emphatically affirmed that, “…I did wear a mask and maybe you…
Trump’s Tchotchkes: White House Souvenir Shop / Going Out of Business Sale
Trump Lego Maker’s Kit: To build impregnable wall. Biden Ukraine T-shirt: Biden Senior & Junior pictured. Caption: “Ukraine, You Saw, We Conquered.” Golfing POTUS: POTUS playing golf with NASCAR stars. Colin Kaepernick, Steph Curry, Lebron James and Megan Rapinoe photo-shopped…
Nation of Self-Obsessed Attention Hogs Whine About Sea Levels Rising Due to Climate Change
FUNAFUTI, TUVALU– After years of whining and moaning about possible ecological devastation and flooding which would render their entire country uninhabitable, little Tuvalu finally got its moment in the sun when the international press threw the petulant brats a handful…
Breakthroughs in the Quest for Immortality
The quest for immortality is something that has obsessed scientists, philosophers and humankind in general for thousands of years and the idea that we could somehow become exempt from death still fascinates today. Themes of unending existence are littered throughout…
Pro-Plague Demonstrations Continue in Michigan
LANSING, Mich. – Scores of armed protestors swarmed the Michigan state capitol building, demanding to be let out of the suggested, but ultimately voluntary, stay-at-home order the governor issued last month to slow the spread of the coronavirus. Ignoring social…