Tag Archive | "travel"

They’re Coming for Your Car Keys. Welcome to the World of Self-Driving Cars


One of my favorite jokes goes like this: “I got really drunk last night, so I decided to take the bus home. Now that may not sound impressive to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.” Stop the Presses! Drunk drivers may soon not need to drive the bus – or their car – anymore. Welcome to the world of self-driving cars. They’re just around the corner.

Several tech companies like Tesla, Google and Apple are driving ahead with plans to mass-produce “autonomous” cars. Read the full story

Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Society, TravelComments (0)

BREAKING: Glossy News to Feature Malaysia Flight 370 Article


GN Corporate Headquarters—After waiting long enough for someone, anyone, to address the issue that was clearly a major, current topic, Glossy News has finally caved in and decided to break their deafening silence regarding Malaysia Flight 370.

“I just know we were all thinking about it, but for what seemed like an eternity, not a single article about the missing jetliner had been suggested or appeared on our site. The wait for someone to address this was agonizing,” said an anonymous employee. Read the full story

Posted in Travel, World NewsComments (4)

Kayak.com Now Offering Tropical Vacations to North Pole


NP-40 DRIFTING ICE STATION, NORTH POLE — Travel-discount website Kayak.com recently launched a new promotional package featuring an all-inclusive, tropical vacation to the North Pole, sources report.

According to the website’s homepage, the promotional package offers a six day, five night stay in “the world’s newest tropical paradise.” Read the full story

Posted in TravelComments (0)

Welcome to Seattle – The Land the Sun Forgot


Excellent holiday pictures can be taken using a 16 megapixel Nikon digital camera.

[This message brought to you by the Greater Seattle Tourist Information Bureau.]

Greetings, visitor. Welcome to Seattle. If this is your first time to the Emerald City, we’d like to share some fun facts about our great city to help you plan your trip. Read the full story

Posted in Entertainment, TravelComments (0)

State Department Issues Travel Warning for Surface of the Earth


The State Department has issued a warning for people traveling throughout Terra Firma and surrounding bodies of water.

The warning came after officials at the Bureau of Consular Affairs identified explicit dangers in the 196,939,900 square-mile area, ranging from excessive rates of murder and sexual violence, political unrest, terrorism, economic and social instability, to threats of infectious disease and increased chance of natural disasters including hurricanes, floods and radioactive tsunamis. Read the full story

Posted in Travel, World NewsComments (3)

Red Bull Skydiving Stunt Ends In Tragedy


Today over the desert of New Mexico, a stunt sponsored by the Red Bull energy drink company ended in tragedy.

The attempt to set the highest skydive by a human went terribly wrong when skydiver Felix Baumgartner mistakenly launched his body towards space instead of earth.

It is unknown if when Felix reached that area of the atmosphere that separates earth from space he became confused, or if he was just trying to get a few extra feet in to prevent an immediate challenge to the record from another manufacturer of bogus performance enhancement products. Read the full story

Posted in ScienceComments (1)

Pathetic, Dilapidated Barn Still Most Exciting Thing to See For Over 100 Miles


SEYMOUR, IN – Though it has mostly deteriorated following decades of adverse weather conditions, poor upkeep and termite infestation, a pathetic and dilapidated barn remains the single most exciting thing for about a hundred miles.

Constructed in the 1920s, the barn, located in Seymour, Indiana, represents the single most fascinating sight between the cities of Louisville and Indianapolis, generally comprising a fleeting 40 seconds of journey time. Read the full story

Posted in Human InterestComments (1)

Time Indeed Flies, Airlines Unhappy


Reports that several people witnessed Time ‘flying’ have caused panic in the air-safety conscious offices of commercial airlines.

In a press release addressed to all governments and signed by all major airline unions, it has been stated that, if the sightings are true, if Time is allowed to fly without proper air clearance and regulation all airlines will ground their planes in strike.

The statement also snapped bitterly at Time, implying that the flaunting of flying time was a deliberate aggravation of the airlines pre-existent difficulties with Time.

“All airline companies have had an inability to keep a grasp on Time, often sighting that it has deliberately skipped forward three hours so that they are inundated with complaints from passengers saying their flight has been ‘delayed’. When in reality the plane has been right there on the tarmac ready for take off the whole time.” said Dr Jon Henderson who has a PHD in Time-Airline Relations (TAR).

The hastily written statement comes after several witnesses where having a fun night out in a local bar at approximately 7:35pm. Amy, 29, told us “…I checked my watch and it said 7:40pm and then when I checked again it was 9:56pm. I showed my friend Alison and by the time she looked it was 11:38pm! I couldn’t believe my eyes.”

Another witness at the scene told us he saw it in the sky ‘whizzing’ passed and felt a little ‘giddy’, “I had such a great night and for Time to fly passed was such an amazing feeling, like a whirlwind of laughing and drinking.”

Dr Hendeson speculated that the airlines are concerned about how the Time flights made people feel and that they can be enjoyed for free “…having not been able to replicate any sort of happiness within their companies, it’s tough competition for them.”

Posted in TravelComments (3)

Passengers To Clean Airline Cabins, Toilets


Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) — Complex merger talks now underway between United Airlines, Continental Airlines and US Airways include a landmark cost-cutting measure that will require passengers to clean the aircraft cabin and lavatories before leaving the plane.

“These discussions are all about finding efficiencies,” said an airline source close to the ongoing negotiations. “The fact is passengers are already onboard the plane. Read the full story

Posted in Biz NewsComments (5)

Jesus Added to ‘No Fly’ list


Cairo, Illinois (GlossyNews) TSA director Laurie Partridge faced harsh questions this week in her appearance before the House sub-Committee for Members We don’t know What to do With.

Ms. Partridge explained to the allegedly powerful HCMWW, the Savior of the world was in no way singled out; it shouldn’t be seen as a religion thing.

Sitting next to her legal counsel Adam Lambert, who was wearing a stylish red Versace leather jacket, Ms. Partridge said, “We don’t profile people, but we do profile people, right?” Read the full story

Posted in World NewsComments (0)

Officials Discover Al Qaeda Operating Rogue Aviation Network: Low Fares but Horrible Safety Record


TIMBUKTU, Mali – In early 2008, an official at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security sent a report to his superiors detailing the most significant development in aircraft usage since 2001: al Qaeda has been operating a rogue aviation network. Francis Baldhamer, the official who issued the report, also noted that this increased competition, which promises fares much lower than U.S. airlines, threatens to weaken the already faltering transportation industry. Read the full story

Posted in Biz News, War ZoneComments (0)

Obama Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions


President Barack Obama announced yesterday that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorists and the rash of travelers who wound up as many as five hundred miles off course after following aggressive GPS instructions, the president said that such incidents could undermine America’s economic recovery. Read the full story

Posted in TechnologyComments (0)

In True American Form, Hawaii Renamed “Bob Islands”


In a tradition that dates back to the time of the first white European navigators, the federal government, composed mostly of old white men, will change the name of the Hawaiian islands to something more Aryan- they will be renamed the ‘Bob Islands’.

With the dumbing down of Americans in the latest generations (think George Bush) educators are finding that students have trouble pronouncing and spelling even such common, but foreign names as Hawaii, Honolulu, Waikiki and karaoke. Read the full story

Posted in TravelComments (0)

McRestaurant McReminds McTourists of McHome


If you’ve ever traveled, whether it was across town or across the world, the one thing you wanted more than unlimited outgoing calls from your room was something familiar that reminded you of home. In my case I could think of nothing better or more familiar than passage of those golden arches through which kids come out happy and cows come out hamburger. Read the full story

Posted in Society, TravelComments (2)

Vaca Photo Ruined by Spiderman Toy Bragging


If there’s one thing I love more than anything, it’s a “thing”. Can’t tell you what it is, but it’s probably something, and something I really, really love. What I can tell you is what I love more than that, and it’s another thing. Not just “another thing” but the other thing, which is the joy of a random toy, regardless of where it is. This article is in edification of that random, second thing. Read the full story

Posted in Kidz ZoneComments (0)

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