Tag Archive | "Science"

Star Sign Reassignment Continues To Promote Controversy


Astrologers remain divided about the increasing number of people choosing to undergo Star Sign Reassignment.

As little as ten years ago it was believed that natal charts were fixed at the time of birth, and that lives would inevitably follow the courses those charts foretold. Then Professor Claire Voyant from Scotland’s Skye University performed the pioneering procedure that changed the star sign of Mrs Stella McTarot of Glasgow from Taurus with Capricorn rising, to Aquarius with Sagittarius rising. Read the full story

Posted in Horoscopes, Science & Technologizzy, Top StoriesComments (0)

Visual World To Revert To Black-and-White


Scientists have warned that our visual world will almost certainly revert to monochrome, or black-and-white, within the next five to ten years.

Those who have viewed photographs, films or television recordings made during the early or mid 20th century, will have seen the achromatic world in which people then lived. Those alive at the time will recall the gradual emergence of colour, from the late 1950s to the early 1970s, that finally led to the rainbow-hued spectrum with which we are now familiar. Read the full story

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Genetic history mapped: Trump full of Neanderthal DNA


Recently, scientists at the Howard Hughes Medical Institute at Harvard Medical School have analyzed DNA from prehistory, to discover large population shifts ranging from 45,000-7,000 years ago. Scientist David Reich concluded that these changes in prehistoric human populations directly correlate to the last Ice Age, which enabled prehistoric human migration to much of the northern world. And remnants of that ancient world can still be observed today. Read the full story

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Spectacular Creationist Breakthrough: World Much Older Than We All Thought


Entirely Non-Superfluous Disclaimer

Sorry to be reworking a previous piece from TheSpoof.com here. I mean, it’s not that I’m running out of ideas…

But I’ve already got so much tedious crapola in my hatebox from the “Labour Leak” article, that I’m playing it safe…

With a completely respectful, mainstream, non-edgy piece that is LITERALLY 100% INCAPABLE of offending anybody. Read the full story

Posted in Religionism, ScienceComments (1)

God: “Stephen Hawking does not exist”


DATELINE: HEAVEN – In response to Dr. Stephen Hawking’s confirmation of his atheism this week, the Christian deity and almighty creator Yahweh announced that the universe’s existence could be explained without the need for a Stephen Hawking.

“Following peer-reviewed religious principles and dogma, it is clear to me that the possibility of a Stephen Hawking existing is much less than remotely plausible. Religion offers a much more convincing explanation for the origins of the universe and, quite frankly, the existence of a Stephen Hawking simply is not compatible with My miracles.” Read the full story

Posted in Religionism, SocietyComments (3)

Scientists Discover Modern World “May Be Bad For You”


A recent scientific discovery claims that modern conveniences are having negative side-effects on the mental and bodily health of many first-world inhabitants.

Scientists from around the globe report today that modern conveniences, such as the luxury of remaining stationary and sitting on your ass at home; sitting on your ass at work; sitting on your ass at a bar, a restaurant, at school, or at game; taking a break from being stationary and sitting on your ass in a motor vehicle; or sitting on your ass while defecating may all actually have many potential negative consequences—with the most common cases resulting in obesity or depression due to a lack of stimulation. Read the full story

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Kayak.com Now Offering Tropical Vacations to North Pole


NP-40 DRIFTING ICE STATION, NORTH POLE — Travel-discount website Kayak.com recently launched a new promotional package featuring an all-inclusive, tropical vacation to the North Pole, sources report.

According to the website’s homepage, the promotional package offers a six day, five night stay in “the world’s newest tropical paradise.” Read the full story

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BREAKING – Heofon: A New Non-Secular World On The Horizon?


Topeka, KS, USA—During a special televised press briefing simulcast on FOX news and CBN this past Tuesday, a small group of faith-based engineers and Liberty University geologists, along with biologists working out of Central Christian College, as well as home-schooled technicians associated with the JPL facilities (Jesus Proselytizing Laboratory) in Cawker City, Kansas, announced the launch of an ambitious and mammoth undertaking—a project, which if fully realized will see the birth of a new man-made celestial object in our solar system. Read the full story

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The BRAIN Initiative: Obama’s Announcement


Barack rubbed weakly at his temples, which were sore and rough to the touch. He breathed slowly, in and out, as he tried to focus his racing mind, burdened by the thoughts of millions.

He noticed through the window the slightest shift of light from the setting sun as he made his way to a makeshift podium, isolated and ready for him to make the announcement: one that would change humanity.

He was not yet used to the increased sensitivity to light and sound, the endless knowledge, or the frequent migraines and muscle aches that were to be expected, but still crippling. Read the full story

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Smells Good Enough Not To Eat


A study carried out by the US government has, today, published findings that show although perfume smells great, it, in fact, tastes disgusting.

Research, that took over 17 years to complete, shows that of the 6,789 participants only 1.2% felt that perfume tasted nice.

Dr Handel, who was one of the major contributors to the project, said: “After years of study and hard work we can finally conclude that perfume tastes bad.” Read the full story

Posted in ScienceComments (1)

Hover Cars Will Not Help Us


Scientists have warned that placing too many emphases on hover cars may confuse car owners.

In an open letter to the car industry, a group of prestigious scientists from a variety of disciplines warn that if the car industry continues to hail the invention of the hover car as a turning point they are only going to be ‘disappointed’.

“It is important that the industry recognize that the proliferation of hover cars will not decrease traffic levels or ease traffic congestion.” The letter sates: “In fact it will be that same or worse.” Read the full story

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Mars Rover Curiosity Discovers Triboob


Excited NASA staff make plans for a manned mission to Mars after the Mars rover returned its first series of results.

It took 8 months to get there and a further 2 weeks to find anything of importance, but at last the Mars Rover has finally found something even the general populace will be interested in.

When preparing to blast rocks for sampling, the rover, Curiosity, came across a perfectly formed skeleton of a three-breasted female. Read the full story

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NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth


Cape Canaveral, Fla.- After the recent success and attention garnered from the mars rover, Curiosity, NASA launched a probe to Earth with the intent to discover if intelligent life does exist, or has ever existed on the planet.

Many controversial theories have arose over recent years arguing whether or not the planet could sustain intelligent life.

The new rover, called Buick Skylark, is the biggest rover NASA has constructed to date, which hopefully will recapture the public’s fascination with space after the failed attempts of the previous Earth rovers Ford Taurus and the joint Japanese venture, Toyota Camry.”The Taurus Seemed like a suitable choice with its reliability to value ratio, but that simply wasn’t the case,” explained Senior Systems Analyst Scott Boyers. He added, “The Toyota Camry just crashed into the surface.” The Camry’s unfortunate malfunction was thought to have been due to a faulty accelerator.

The previous rovers also lacked the equipment to detect if worth while existance had occured on the planet. The rover Buick Skylark is an impressive structure that has aboard various instruments to test for the existence of knowledgable life.

“Aboard the Buick Skylark, are specific instruments to test for the possibility of intelligent life. A copy of The New Yorker, a sensibly well balanced meal, and several historical documentaries are designed to attract possible intelligent life forms,” says Flight Director David Oh.

Administrator, Charles Bolden has high hopes for the project, stating that “Quite frankly, we don’t know if intelligent life has ever existed there or not. We are well aware of some lesser life forms living on Earth, but so far, have yet to conclude if there are any worth while conversations out there. This will mark a proud day for humanity if we, in fact, do discover intelligent life. Although we have had some compelling evidence, it simply isn’t conclusive.”

Early prototypes proved too compact and comfortable to truly be called a “Buick”.

The habitable environment, rich atmosphere, and supposed examples of non-fiction texts seem to be the evidence scientists have been using to back the “Meaningful Life on Earth” thesis, but skeptics argue that these texts were mere fabrications and depressions left in trash cans outside campus housing.

The rover was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida and landed in the vapid wasteland of Scottsdale, Arizona. Scientists, did not expect to find evidence of intelligent life at that particular location, but hope that the rover is capable of searching the region in order to find ground breaking evidence they need to keep space exploration alive.

Deputy Administrator Lori Garver added, “This is our last shot. Funding is drying up despite our recent success and publicity around Curiosity. We aim to find a way to sustain life on Earth for future generations to come. If we don’t find any conclusive evidence, surely the human experiment will be finite.”

Posted in Education, TechnologyComments (8)

Curiosity Killed the Rover


GALE CRATER, MARS – The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reported at a press conference this morning.

Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but three photos NASA received shortly before her death may hold clues.

“According to our one-megapixel photos, Curiosity was last seen chasing a particle that appeared to be slightly smaller than a boson and somewhat structured like a buckminsterfullerene,” said Lead Nuclear Physicist David Horton. “Frankly, we believe she tripped and fell off Mars.” Read the full story

Posted in ScienceComments (1)

Science and Religion cannot Coexist Together


“Why are we here?”
“What is the meaning of life?”
“What’s the ultimate purpose of life?”
“Where are we headed as human beings?”
“Is there a God — a personal God as religion states?”

It is quite useless and senseless to ask these questions or hope for an definite answer since all of those who came before us for thousands of years were not able answer them. And also there are no “Real” answers to the value-laden questions that ever eludes our understanding and ever escapes our grasps. Read the full story

Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (0)

Music-Composing Super Computer Deemed a Failure


PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania – A scientist at a local university has declared his greatest achievement, a computer capable of composing original music, a complete failure. Dr. William T. Corn had been working for over fifteen years on the Artificial Music Operation Project, also called “A-MOP,” before vowing to destroy his creation. Read the full story

Posted in Entertainment, Gadgets & GizmosComments (1)

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