Physiological scientists have made an amazing discovery in that man (and we mean specifically ‘man’ here, not ‘wo-man’) much like the dinosaurs of ancient times, possess a second brain located in an extremity of the body. Both man and dinosaurs have the similarity of having a major brain in their heads that regulates most of their bodily functions, but, whereas dinosaurs have a second, smaller brain in their tail ends, man’s has been discovered in his penis tip.
The discovery of this walnut-sized brain (in some men only peanut-sized) has become the subject of much discussion and controversy. Female behaviorists contend that this explains much of the idiosyncrasies of male behavior. Some reason that this ‘peanut-brain’ controls the major part of men’s actions and in some cases rules their thinking entirely. It has been theorized that when the smaller brain is stimulated, or ‘excited’ as they say, that it shuts out all other signals coming from the larger brain. “There is a definite possibility that this happens quite a bit more often that we previously thought.” stated Ms. Klee Toris, a spokeswoman for the behaviorists.
Researchers debate as to the exact function of this second brain. Female researchers are convinced that both male brains seem to be mainly entrenched in sexual matters. Preliminary studies show that in many men only the penis brain seems to have any influence on their thinking. It has also been shown that the penis brain is extremely stimulated in times of sexual interest and to have an almost ESP-like ability to sniff out any available females in the area.
The penis brain has more nerve endings than the head brain thus making it more sensitive to certain types of stimulation. It is believed to be responsible for the process determining the erection of the penis. When excited the smaller brain gets hot and sets in motion the muscles that bring about erection. In a good number of men, this is more lightly triggered than in others. Some are stimulated by something so light as a gentle touch, a whispered suggestion or a coiled leather whip. Some are so sensitive as to even ‘go off’ at the sight of a picture of Betty White. Leading female psychologists state that too many men have ‘hair-triggers.”
Those men who have larger sexual organs are now claiming it is because their brains are bigger. The ‘Bigger is better’ theory is laughed at by smaller researchers who contend that the larger organs denote more nerve endings, not more intelligence. Dr. Peter Prick of the Forbes Fornication Foundation says; “It’s like you have two building cranes, one larger and one smaller. They both do the same job – lifting things, but intelligence has nothing to do with it.”
Numerous reactions to this new discovery have already occurred. The intelligence group Mensa has declared that they are setting up a subdivision for “individuals with especially talented second brains.. Gay porno film producers are scouting around for actors with “well-enhanced natural intelligence capabilities.” Sperm banks are being deluged with calls from former customers wanting to know if the donor had been a “biggie” or a “wee-wee”.
The Society of Ladies Internal Corrective Brain Surgery Electives (S.L.I.C.E.) has issued a statement declaring that the world would be a lot calmer place to live in if all males would have a penis lobotomy upon reaching puberty. In reaction to this the male division of the Society For Prevention Of Cruelty To Dumb Animals has proclaimed such a notion to be “ghastly…. unthinkable… castratingly horrific…definitely painful….!”
Brain surgeons themselves have been having a hard time dealing with the thousands of requests that have been pouring in. Sex maniacs are lining up by the dozens to have their penis brains transplanted with their head brains under the notion that it will increase their size, their pleasure and their output. Weary wives have been contacting hospitals to see if they can have their husbands’ small brains lobotomized without their knowing it. Sexually unfulfilled wives have been calling in wanting x-rays taken to see if their mates even have the second brain in the first place.
Further dedicated research is necessary to clear up the mysteries concerning this new, astounding finding. Many scientists now speculate that women too might have a second brain in their genital area, although there are those who doubt such an existence saying that “they don’t use the ones they have in their heads already!” Micheal J. Nutless, head of the research group has said, “Taking a look at what a lot of women marry I have to wonder if they have any brains at all.”
Further investigations into this new bodily phenomena will continue. Dr. R. Flappywilly of the Institute For Self Fulfillment has promised “We have this matter well in hand!”