Posted on 25 December 2016.
Dateline: WATERLOO–A team of scientists and engineers at the Perimeter Institute in Waterloo, Ontario has invented a technique for converting American leaders’ hypocrisy into fuel to power an interdimensional starship.
Thorsten Dillydally, leader of the team of researchers, was led to his hypothesis after sitting through press coverage of the Russian hacking of the Democratic National Committee’s emails, which tilted the election towards a Trump victory of the presidency in 2016. Read the full story
Posted in Politics
Posted on 13 December 2016.
Fake News Fer Sale! Git Yer Fake News Right Here!
Suddenly fake news stories are the In Thing and do we have ‘em here for you!
Get in on the latest fad and power trip going- fake news stories! Amaze your friends! Harass your enemies! Embarrass your mom!
We have them for you here in all shapes and sizes. And all political, ethnic, social and gender variations.
Need a story to make Trump look like a hero- got ‘em right here for ya!
Need a tale that makes him look like a chump? Got that too. Read the full story
Posted in Politics, Top Stories
Posted on 19 November 2016.
In a clever, sage move by president elect Donald Trump, Alaska will be returned to Russia on January 21st, 2017. “We stole these lands and they have to go back to their rightful owners.”
The United States purchased Alask from Russia in 1867 for the staggering sum of $7.2 million. Russia had territorial claim, but no real settlement, so the transfer was seen as a win-win, unaware of the future geo-political implications.
“We don’t even use it,” said Trump. “What’s it for? Sure there’s some oil and penguins up there, but they aren’t like us. Just because you’re Nanook doesn’t mean you live in my north.” Read the full story
Posted in World News
Posted on 07 November 2016.
On the eve of the 2016 U.S. Presidential elections the notorious expose website Wakileaks has released thousands of hacked emails from Donald Trump’s private server. The exact source of the email leak has not been officially ascertained, but it is suspected that they originated from the tiny hermit kingdom of Bhutan which is known to have only one computer powered by 10 D batteries taped together. It is believed that the hermit Buddhist nation wants to throw the election over to the Hillary side.
Foremost amongst the emails are nude photo attachments of Melania Trump which the world news media, mostly men, have spent most of their time investigating. Of lesser interest to them are the coup plots against other sovereign nations, casino money laundering, shady business deals with the Russians and plans for building Alaskan gulags for registered Democrats.
Outstanding amongst the exposed emails are: Read the full story
Posted in Politics
Posted on 25 November 2015.
Universally beloved plastic pop enterprise X Factor has finally lost its shine.
Yup! No-one ever believed this classic of early 21st century manufactured inanity would ever end up being discredited by a flamboyant and
sexually doubting, um, sexually dubious former KGB Lenin lookalike…
But such is life!
Or as Louis Walsh would no doubt belt out in his cups:
‘C’est la Vie!’
Still, the hidden hand of the music industry has guided the nation of Russia to unanticipated progress; all by means of mere individual self-interest!
Yes, just see this storming (not to say stormtrooping!) video of Russia’s most swishiest Elton John admirer for proof: Read the full story
Posted in Music, World News
Posted on 22 November 2015.
The famous expose website Wakileaks (yes, that is spelled correctly) has successfully tapped into a most intriguing phone call between those two most beloved of dictators in the world- Bashar al-Assad and his Grace Vladimir Putin of Russia. We have the transcript here just as it was translated from the phone tap:
Putin: Hello my old buddy Bashar! How are you doing?
Assad: Ah, Putin! My best friend, my ally, my colleague, the guy who saves my butt! How are you yourself?
Putin: Oh, quite good, old chum. A few miscreant Chechens here and there, but nothing like what you are having to put up with. Read the full story
Posted in Politics, Strange People
Posted on 27 October 2015.
The famed web expose site WikiLeaks scored a mammoth coup this week with its hidden camera surveillance of the Assad/Putin meeting in Moscow.
The leader of Syria and the President of Russia were presumably meeting to discuss their mutual concerns about the rebellion in Syria. The hidden tapes revealed much more than that.
The following is a direct transcript of the meeting of the two dictators translated into English: Read the full story
Posted in Strange People, War Zone
Posted on 13 October 2015.
There are Syrian refugees risking their lives fleeing to the shores of Greece and overrunning every country between their homeland and Germany.
Many of those staying behind are being brutally murdered and maimed in their own homes and streets.
The finances and resources of the countries taking in the refugees are being badly strained. Great unrest is being fomented in all the lands surrounding Syria.
This is basically all because of one man- Bashar al-Assad, the President of Syria. Read the full story
Posted in Serious Commentary, War Zone
Posted on 07 October 2015.
Obama and other world leaders were sitting around the UN private lounge contemplating what to do about the Syrian crisis that was disturbing all of the Mideast and Europe. Depression had set in due to the difficulties that had arisen over the situation that seemed to escalate no matter what their efforts were. And it all was basically because of one man- Bashar al-Assad, the dictator of Syria.
The X-Box like control mechanism that determined the bombings of the day lay on a table between them. No one had the enthusiasm to touch it.
Suddenly the door burst open and an energetic presence entered.
“Greetings Comrades. I am here to solve the Syrian problem!” The unusually smiley face of Vladimir Putin greeted all the seated dignitaries as he hurriedly went around the circle of sofas shaking hands. “I am the answer to all your difficulties!” Read the full story
Posted in Politics, War Zone
Posted on 26 September 2015.
Vladimir Putin has now liberated most Russian football clubs and has gently taken them under his wing, guiding them into the comforting and steady hands of public ownership.
So from now on, if private football clubs wish to remain private, they must now prove their moral and spiritual worth (say nothing of financial!), by making their players wear long shorts for modesty.
Especially the men’s clubs! Read the full story
Posted in Sports Scandals, World News
Posted on 17 April 2015.
Unlike Khomeini-ite Fiqh, TULIP-flavor Calvinism, and other scientific and empirically rigorous political discourses, “nice guy” and “friendzoning” are ideological aberrations that are completely detached from reality.
Still, that didn’t stop Khameini giving it to us one last time:
I mean, there are so many jumpy, rowdy, jerk-off pricks who treat other guys really, really, REALLY badly! And Putin doesn’t mind THEM!
Read the full story
Posted in Politics, Religionism
Posted on 16 April 2015.
Some would say that The Enemies Of Our Glorious Nation™ are quarrelsome folk.
(Or if not “enemies of America,” at least the enemies of the non-satire news media and of The International Beltway Community).
Still, there is such a thing as honor among thieves; or if not honor among thieves, at least honor among “Recalcitrationists Of The Universal Interest.” Read the full story
Posted in Politics, Religionism
Posted on 26 February 2015.
The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square.
Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form?
Is the second great Russian revolution finally taking form?
No. False alarm. Go ahead and go back to whatever you were doing. Nothing to see here. No fire. No bodies to see. Just another Putin backed big show of force and false support for his international messing with every other country on earth. Read the full story
Posted in World News
Posted on 21 February 2015.
Glossy News has been fortunate enough to be granted an interview with Vladimir Putin, the leader of Russia, a man very much in the news these days.
It is not often that the Premier grants anyone from the West an exclusive interview, especially since he is not allowed to enter the U.S.
We had to do the Interview on his exclusive 300 foot yacht off the Crimea coast. Read the full story
Posted in Politics, War Zone
Posted on 17 November 2014.
A leak in the security of the new Star Trek series has provided Glossy with a peek at the highly anticipated show.
As you can see the players will be wearing an all new design of Star Fleet uniforms and, as usual, represent many different races and nationalities.
Again there will be a black Vulcan just like Tuvok in the Voyager series, only this time he will be in the Commander position. Unlike his predecessor this new Vulcan will occasionally exhibit moments of humor, a very un-Vulcan like quality.
His name is Barack Hussein Obama, an unlikely a name as any writer could ever conjure up, but we’ll go with it for the time being. There is a Chinese second in command, Xi Jinping (they must have been really imaginative to come up with this moniker), who will be a constant source of disagreement and contention in the series.
Unknown to the other crew members, a Romulan agent has infiltrated the group with the intent on sabotaging all relationships and vessel machinery that he can. Named Vladimir Putin (the writers got a little lax on this name. It is inappropriate as it sounds too much like the Romanian Prince Vlad who was the basis for Dracula….on second thought the name fits. Forget it.), he is the wild card in the deck of the ship’s crew.
Other nationalities and races will play key characters who will mostly get in the way of the other three stars or die horribly while wearing red uniforms (in the original Star Trek series any actor wearing a red shirt always got creamed half way through the episode).
Whereas most Star Trek episodes involved conflicts with aliens outside the ship, this series will have most of its battles waged inside the vessel between its own crew members. Mr. Putin and Jinping will prove to be behind most of the intrigue. Mr. Putin and Mr. Jinping, being from more backwards lands, are jealous of the Captain’s superior technology and feels that they must interrupt their progress in any way possible to overcome it.
On their first mission in an entirely new ship aptly called the “New World Order”. the crew encounters foreign aliens trying to escape their home planet to work on the earth. Captain Obama wants to welcome them in, not realizing that helmsman Putin has already sent out small fighters to buzz and harass them. Mr. Jinping just stands back and waits for both to make mistakes so he can take over.
Future episodes will be guaranteed to have lots of weird looking aliens and not-so-weird looking gorgeous shapely women wearing way-too-short mini-skirt uniforms.
Posted in Entertainment, Politics
Posted on 13 October 2014.
ISIS: The world’s number one autistic brainchild, the same one which refused to continue living with his older brother, Al-Qaeda, is now in some deep trouble with the United States and Russia.
After beheading a journalist in the lands of SandVillage, their only option for attention was death. Geez, talk about needy.
To make things worse, the group continued with a follow-up decapitation video personally sent to Prince Barack Obama of Nigeria. A representative of the White House spoke with the press regarding this issue stating: Read the full story
Posted in War Zone, World News