Search Results for: obama
History’s Largest Manhunt Over, Waldo Dead
Aden- The largest manhunt in the war on terror finally comes to a close. Waldo, a.k.a. Wally, Veli, or Al’ Shabaz Mussa Shadif was an American citizen who notably sympathized with Al Quaeda insurgency groups and became an intellectual leader…
Romney: Screw It, I’ll Give $300k to Everyone Who Votes for Me
WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to win over the average working American, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to give away his entire wealth to the American people, declaring: “enough with politics: I’ll give three million freaking…
Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin- Recently, news surfaced that Paul Ryan’s college sweet heart was black, but what media outlets don’t know is that Paul Ryan was O.G. The term, O.G., is an abbreviation for original gangster, a term used by hip hop…
Top 18 Dumbest Quotes from Mitt Romney
We recently ran a few pieces highlighting silly gaffes and statements made by Barack Obama and Joe Biden, so in an effort to remain balanced, we now present some of the dumbest, most alarming statements made by Republican nominee Willard…
Supreme Court Protects Corporations’ Right to Bear Arms
Washington D.C. – Today the Supreme Court upheld Corporations’ Second Amendment Rights. This decision comes in the wake of the much controversial decision, FEC v. Citizens United, where the Court upheld corporations First Amendment rights to free speech by striking…
American Expatriates At a Loss What to Threaten To Do If Romney Is Elected
PRAGUE – As the 2012 U.S. presidential election approaches, the possibility of a win by Republican Mitt Romney is a cause for fear and concern among many liberal Americans across the country. Among those most worried, however, are U.S. citizens…
In 4yrs, Biden Successfully Increased GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by 80%
The White House released its figures for economic and social growth over the last four years and are very excited about sharing one particular statistic that stood out above the rest. Apparently, during his first term as Vice President, Joe…
Lloyd Blankfein Will NOT Be Romney’s Secretary of the Treasury
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has disclosed to an anonymous source that he probably will not appoint Lloyd Blankfein to the office of Secretary of the Treasury. Blankfein is CEO of Goldman Sachs, one of the nation’s most distinguished financial enterprises….
Martian Emperor: Hands off Our Water
MARTIAN EQUATOR – Following the successful landing of NASA’s Mars Rover early this morning, the President of Mars has released a statement to Earth’s leaders, insisting: “hands off our water or there will be consequences.” Speaking today from the planet’s…
Israel’s “War With Iran” Roadshow Ready For Tour
Not content with mere headlines, the Benjamin Netanyahu War-With-Iran-Roadshow is about to get underway. A contingent of drummers, buglers, and dancing dwarfs will parade on American streets beating out their music, using the key refrain, “War with Iran! War with…