Big Brother Builds Armpit Sniffer
A hi-technology device that can detect human fear through the medium of ‘smelling’ it is being developed by British scientists and could soon be sniffing out the body odours of anxious terrorists – or shoplifters, welfare benefit cheats, the chronically…
Christmas Light De-tangling Contest Erupts in Violence
Holy Smokes, VA – The first annual Christmas lights de-tangling contest held at the local BPOE lodge was interrupted late in the evening when one of the contestants, Harvey Smith, pulled a gun on fellow contestant, John Houdini, accusing him…
The Funny Side of WW2 – Que?
According to a recent survey undertaken by the government’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money the British youth of the 21st Century are possessed by a plethora of misconceptions concerning Germany, World War Two, the Nazi party and the Holohoax….
Air Phone Becomes Big Concern Of Cell Phone Suppliers
Washington, DC – The “Air phone look” is a person’s left or right arm crooked with the hand touching the ear and lips simultaneously with the thumb and little finger extended, 3 other fingers folded under the palm. Everyone’s doing…
Biking Bonkers Boris Foils Mugging
Lord Mayor of London, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, last night rescued a woman from being attacked by an armed group of drunken yobettes, chasing them down the road on his bicycle while shouting “Effin’ Oiks – I’ll have yer all horse-whipped…
Clinton Tells Paki’s – “Tax ’em & Be Damned”
The US Secretary of State, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, in yet another typical menopausal outburst – yesterday rebuked Pakistani government officials for pleading they couldn’t afford to wage an all-out war against Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadi insurgents…
FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS VACANCY (applicants requested)
For those seeking temporary employment over the holidays, looking to earn a few extra bucks, there is a job opening at the north pole that may interest you. Experience working with reindeer a plus, but not required. Tummy like a bowl-full-of-jelly will help, but please do not send photographs with your application. Read all about this once-in-a-season opportunity here.
Mischief Night = Domestic Terrorism
Dog feces-smearing, egg-throwing, gate-stealing, nailing cats to people’s front doors, or setting fire to wheelie bins and disabled pensioners. That can only mean one thing – it’s Manky Mischief Night again. While being an established and centuries-old tradition in northern…
Viagra Concession Ends Transit Strike
Philadelphia, PA – Transit workers in Philadelphia, threatening to continue their strike for a raise in more than their salaries, have won a battle with the Southern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority to have most of their health care costs covered, including…
Palin-out, The Quitter’s Tour
Russian Porch, AK “Palin-out” —n., the act of leaving before 2009 is over. Todd Palin quit his job with BP’s North Slope oil operation at the beginning of October. News of this quitting comes two months after Sarah Palin’s announcement…