REF: ALU/62734

LOCATION: Lapland based / Worldwide distribution network

HOURS: Christmas Eve – Dusk til dawn

SHIFTS AVAILABLE: Second Shift, Graveyard Shift

SALARY: Minimum Wage (D.O.E.)

EMPLOYER: Grotty Grottos Ltd.

PENSION: Don’t be silly

DURATION: Festive season only / Christmas Eve 24 hour shift

BENEFITS: Complimentary refreshments including milk, cookies, cider and egg nog.

DESCRIPTION: As Father Christmas you will be required to hold quality interviews with children visiting your grotto, sit them on your lap and give each child a present (?) then have your photograph taken with them.

If you can grow a long white dandruff-free beard in a few days and see yourself as Father Christmas in this festive, credit-crunch season we would love to hear from you. Male and female applicants are welcomed.

This is a fixed term contract for the month of December and a full Father Christmas costume will be provided.
Ideal position for anyone with church choir or Boy Scout / Girl Guide troop experience.

Successful applicants are required to provide an enhanced disclosure from the national police records bureau stating they have no past convictions for rhubarb addiction, kiddie fiddling or engaging in sex with domestic pets or farmyard animals.

(Persons already on the sex offenders register are ineligible to apply)

Experience of working with reindeer and a sleigh and climbing down chimney stacks is desirable but training will be provided for the right applicant.

See www.dwp.gov.uk for more information or email a CV and covering letter to human_resources_jobs@grottygrottos.co.uk or apply on line by filling in one of our application forms at www.grottygrottos.com

You can also apply for this job by telephoning the North Pole / toll-free number 011111 1111111 or 011111 1111112 and asking for Harry the Elf.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via TheSatireStall.Blogspot.com