Karl Rove – The Infomercial
Greetings fellow Americans (Queue in Picture of Karl Rove in Lederhosen)– Are you one of the millions of downtrodden Americans who have never had a lucky break? I was one too, but I am going to pass on to you…
Dozens of Psychics Warn ‘Something Big’ About to Happen
Somewhere (GlossyNews) — Wednesday was a hotbed of psychic activity as readings poured in from all over the country from psychics warning that “something big” is coming down the pike. They could not hone in on exactly what it was,…
Chavez and Castro Now Facebook Friends
Bogota North, Colombia (GlossyNews) — Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding. Sources close to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez revealed a major diplomatic coup today; Fidel Castro has accepted Chavez’ friend request on…
Recall Vehicles Fun to Drive, Say Toyota Ads
Toyota USA – Irvine, CA (GlossyNews) — In response to ever-expanding recalls, carmaker Toyota will revamp its marketing and advertising programs to emphasize the “fun and excitement” of sudden acceleration, SUV rollovers and other unique attributes its vehicles have become…
CEOs, Economists Taken Out and Shot – Economy Soars
Bronx, NY (GlossyNews) — The world side recession surprisingly ended abruptly today after the CEO’s, Investors and Economists responsible for causing the downturn by bilking investors, gouging company finances and lying to the public were taken out and shot. Borrowing…
Litterbug Fined While BP Oil Disaster Looms
Tippy Toe, LA (GlossyNews) — Amos Moses, an old Cajun who lives by his self in the swamp, hunts alligators for a livin, he just knock ’em in the head with a stomp, was fined 100 clams yesterday for tossing…
Palin Hopes to Woo Brown with Speech to Naturist-Christians Group
San Bernardino, CA – When Sarah Palin was approached back in September of last year to speak at a gathering of Christian nudists who were interested in opening a nudist chapter of the Tea Party Movement, she respectfully declined, not…
Found: Mummified Remains of Man Waiting for Facebook Comments
Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) –The mummified remains of a man waiting for comments to his clever face book post were found last Monday in a basement in Winnetka, Illinois. The desiccated body of Murray Stinsky, who had collected a total of…
President Obama Detained at Phoenix Airport
Phoenix, AZ (GlossyNews) -– President Barack Obama was detained for a brief period yesterday at the Phoenix, AZ Airport by TSA officials while police determined whether or not to arrest him for not having proper identification with him at the…