Crossing Guard with OCD Run Down by Impatient Businessman
Nolanville, VA-Every weekday morning at 3 a.m., 45-year old George Ross puts on his pants for the third time, combs every strand of hair separately and plucks any wayward nose hairs. He measures one teaspoon of sugar into his carefully…
Crude Awakening: Giant Oil Slick Blames Pat Robertson for Disaster
Lexington, VA (GlossyNews) — In a strange twist, the giant oil slick invading the Gulf Coast has blamed the capitalist pimp and preacher, known as Pat Robertson, for creating it. “I don’t know what everyone is so upset about.“ said…
The Baby Dictionary .com Shows What Kids Really Say
Satire is a notable medium, and it’s thus called because it’s neither rare nor well done, and well, we see a lot of new entries into the game each week, but few so clever as TheBabyDictionary.com. They do things a…
Deepak Chopra Finally Admits: We’re Screwed
State of Denial – Mind-Body Medicine guru Deepak Chopra, author of such books as “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” and “The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire,” has done a complete about face and is now giving lectures based on his…
Obama Fails to Appoint Deist to Supreme Court
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — President Obama, refusing to yield to the demands of Tea Party agitators, has once again failed to appoint a Deist to the Supreme Court. Obama has announced that he will nominate Elena Kagan to the court,…
Texas Governor: Oil Well Accident Act of God – Gays Still an Abomination
Austin, TX (GlossyNews) — Texas Governor Rick Perry, in a tawdry attempt to poison the jury pool when the lawsuits start flying over the BP oil spill, has announced the oil well blowout in the Gulf of Mexico is “an…
Southern Tornado Kills Ten; Nobody Surprised
Deep South, USA (GlossyNews) — Governor Bailey Harbor today viewed the scene of last weekend’s worst storm devastation. “Yep, looks the same as every other tornado hit. I’ll get President Jug Ears on the phone; see if I can get…
When Free Cheese Isn’t Socialism
By the fireplace — I have a friend who is an unusual case in point for our present national attitudes. Let us call him ‘Sam’. If I used his real name, and he found out, he would be hurt and…
Missionary Finds Souls of Jungle Tribe Already “Saved”
Noplace, Ecuador (GlossyNews) — A young Christian missionary, chomping at the bit and excited that a fresh field of new pygmy souls was ripe for harvest, was distressed to find that a National Geographic photographer paid tribe members less than…
Pre-Mother’s Day Riots Break Out Over Blueberry Pancakes
Supermarkets across America were the scene Saturday of knock-down, drag-out brawls over the last few packages of Blueberry Pancake Mix and frozen blueberry pancakes as children dragged their fathers, aunts, uncles and grandparents to the store to get the main…