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When Free Cheese Isn’t Socialism

When Free Cheese Isn’t Socialism

By the fireplace — I have a friend who is an unusual case in point for our present national attitudes. Let us call him ‘Sam’. If I used his real name, and he found out, he would be hurt and angry. Even though it is the truth.

Especially because it is the truth.

Sam is a real flesh and blood person. A VERY real flesh and blood person because his flesh and blood in total weighs over 400 pounds. I am not making fun of him because of this. I am not making fun of him, I am pointing out a general irony and his weight plays into the general gist of the story.

And there is lots of gist.

Sam does not work. No one will hire him because he weighs so much. Also because he has such an attitude that the world owes him something. Sam will not do anything to lose weight. He will not exercise. He will not control his diet. He will not even go out for a walk. He will go to the rec center to lounge in the hot tub, but will not put the slightest toe in the swimming pool. Sam spends most of his time in front of his computer or watches DVDs.

Sam survives by getting on disability. If he were to lose some weight he could well be a capable, working person except for being slightly deaf. Of course he now has diabetes because of the weight and diet problem, but that is not surprising. He also gets Social Security payments even though he is under 50, food stamps, and subsidized housing. His is only required to pay 60% of the total rent for a nice apartment with all the amenities. He gets around $1700 a month in support perks a month.

But, mark this well- SAM HATES SOCIALISM!!! In a big way. Sam thinks someone should shoot Obama because he wants to ruin the country by dragging it down into the bottomless socialist abyss.

Yet Sam prides himself on “being really good at getting money from the government” (this is a real, direct quote) and has lived for months in a state sanctioned bed and breakfast for free at tax payers cost. Sam wonders why we need health care reform even though he gets his checkups at a reduced rate.

Sam is sure that Obama is a Bolshevik determined to destroy the U.S. I guess the free public school system is to blame for all this.


This post was written by

- who has written 563 posts on

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at


One Response to “When Free Cheese Isn’t Socialism”

  1. Jenna says:

    May I nominate ‘Sam’ as a candidate for our first human-based bio-fuel experiment?


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