Noplace, Ecuador (GlossyNews) — A young Christian missionary, chomping at the bit and excited that a fresh field of new pygmy souls was ripe for harvest, was distressed to find that a National Geographic photographer paid tribe members less than eight dollars each for their souls not two months before his arrival.
With Bible in tow, Christian Missionary, Jonah Thompson, was found standing in the soulless remains of a pygmy tribe outside of Ecuador, watching what looked like normal tribe activity such as people coming and going, children playing and toothless old men smoking.
“Every time I try to approach one of these soulless creatures they put up their hand and shake their head,” said a clearly frustrated Thompson. “I didn’t understand it at first until the tribal leader showed me a stack of signed model release forms. At the bottom of each one was a clause labeled, “Soul Assignment,” and it apparently transfers the rights they or anyone else has to their souls for the next 75 years. Whether I can sit here with nothing to do and listen to their terrible music for another 6 months is to be seen…”
About that time, the resident tribe musician began to plunk on a handmade instrument and sing in a horrific off-key tone, sending monkeys in trees a mile away scurrying for cover…