Category: Politics
John Boehner; the Heart of the Party Without a Heart
Speaker of the house, Republican Congressman John Boehner, today spoke out against the recent change in position of Republican Senator Rob Portman regarding the issue of marriage equality. Senator Portman recently changed his position on marriage equality after relaying the…
CPAC 2013 Ended and So Didn’t Their Movement
Closing out of the 2013 CPAC (Conservative People Acting Crazy) conference has left many on the right feeling less than exhilarated. Their ideals, thoughts, and policies that no longer align with changes in society have once again left them opposed…
Obama Angry He “Can’t” Kill American Citizens
Members of the press core were violently ejected from the White House yesterday after President Obama went into a fit of rage over the fact that the Constitution prohibits him from killing innocent American citizens. “It’s not fair! My drone…
Sequestration Castration
The dreaded Sequestration is upon us. Which is much like the feared Fiscal Cliff. Which is similar to the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse. Which is related to Y2K. Which is similar to the Bush II administration… wait a minute! That was…
NEWS FLASH: Berlusconi Does Not Get the Girl
In a stunning turn of events, former Prime Minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi has failed to pick up the hottest girl in Rome. News sources reported late Monday that glitzy fashion star Martina Martinelli blew off the antsy Italian Stallion…
Aliens Discover “Satire” through Articles on Obama–Mistake it for Hero Worship
Five thousand years into the future, an intelligent extra-terrestrial species called The Collective uncovered a solitary data storage chip amongst the rubble once known as Earth and took it back to their ship for examination. Though initially puzzled by the…
FACT: Jon Stewart is the Most Honest Man in News?
Love him or hate him, if you follow politics, you know his name. Jon Stewart has been the host of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on Comedy Central for well over a decade, and he brings the new like…
They Aren’t Entitlements, Guys, Lay Down Your Weapons
Every day in the conservative media I hear about slashing benefits in the “entitlement” sector, and while that may sound good, it’s total boshat, and of the highest order. Almost everything the conservative media decries as wasteful “entitlement” spending is…
Sen. Graham Shows Support For Women By Removing Balls
South Carolina senator, and future gay rights activist, Lindsey Graham broke from his conservative party today with the unusual move of replacing the “truck balls” on his SUV with “truck ovaries” to show support for women’s rights. Truck balls as…
Senator Warns of Impending Attack on Family Values
A US Senator is drawing the nation’s attention after publicizing a report suggesting an attack on family values is imminent. Addressing a hastily-organized press conference Friday morning, Senator Tate Williams of Arkansas explained that his staff on the United States…