Archive | Politics

Trump Announces New “Drain the Swamp Strategy,” Swears to Cram Administration with Fundies

Trump Announces New “Drain the Swamp Strategy,” Swears to Cram Administration with Fundies

Trump’s ‘Drain the Swamp’ strategy recently sounds more like a ‘Fill the Swamp’ strategy.

Mildly perturbed (as always!) by lingering accusations of bad faith, dishonesty and cynicism, Trump is now shaking up his cabinet, in order to get rid of all the corrupt moneygrubbers, as well as any remaining Beltway establishment career politicos. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Religionism, Top Stories0 Comments

Sarah Huckabee-Sanders Unveils New “Talk To the Hand” Rapid-Response System

Sarah Huckabee-Sanders Unveils New “Talk To the Hand” Rapid-Response System

Trump and White House apologist Sarah Huckabee-Sanders has gone from eager apologist to wholly soulless sack of human garbage in less time than a newfound junkie has, but today she’s taken it to a new level.

“Talk to the hand!” said the internally and extrenally ugly daughter of Arkansas governor Mike (anything for approval) Huckabee. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics1 Comment

North Korea Linked To Upsurge In UK Cycling

North Korea Linked To Upsurge In UK Cycling

Alarming new intelligence has linked North Korea to the upsurge in UK cycling. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Crime, Health, Politics, Society, Top Stories2 Comments

North Koreans Score a Victory Before The Olympic Games Even Begin

North Koreans Score a Victory Before The Olympic Games Even Begin

Chances like this didn’t come very often. Especially in cash poor, politically isolated North Korea.

The plan to overlook political differences and cash in on the once in a millennium chance to be in the Olympics caused Kim Jong Un to forgo his nuclear rants with his Anglo doppelganger in the U.S. conquistador seat of power. Here was the chance to control events in America in a way the Russians could not even dream of.

His sister was to sit directly behind the Vice President of the United States at the Olympic Opening ceremony.

Directly behind…

This was an opportunity made in Heaven – or, in Jong Un’s case, a chance made in Hell. He now had the chance to bring down the US from within.

He himself would not go to the Olympics. There was too great a risk of assassination. The media attention would be too much as well. He could handle the overly staged photo shoots he managed from within his hermit kingdom; but in the South, there were those technologically advanced cameras that for all he knew might have the ability to photograph him naked through his clothes. The thought of nude photos of himself dropped as propaganda from enemy planes high over head made him shudder.

He would have his sister go. The bitch needed to start earning her keep and not be prancing around Paris spending more money in a day than the average peasant in North Korea could afford in their whole lives. She would do the dirty work.

From her position behind Pence she would firstly blow a micro-dart through a straw into his neck, that would render him unable to notice the violations of his space he would soon be experiencing. Then she would pour a biological dust down the collar of his jacket that over time would invade his body and shut down the creative and higher functions of his brain, leaving him with the mental abilities he had, basically; but unable to think creatively. She would then sneak microchips into the submarine sandwich that he brought with him because he was afraid of eating Korean food. These would eventually lodge in his brain. These chips would feed messages to him unconsciously via microphones, run by North Korean agents stationed in Washington D.C. These agents would broadcast information to his weakened brain, directing him to do their bidding.

Jong Un rubbed his hands in joy. He now had his own Manchurian Candidate in the White House itself, ready to execute his will. The first thing to do – have Pence suggest giving aid to them in money, food and military equipment. Second – sever US ties with South Korea. Third – have those two obnoxious actors who made fun of him in the movie The Interview publicly executed.

Unfortunately for them, the plot did not work. Pence’s higher mental facilities were already shut down from years of hyper-conservative upbringing and whatever little he had leftover were soon annihilated from serving on the Trump administration. Also, being used to putting up with annoying reporters and protesters, Pence had an inner instinctual mechanism for shutting out the messages from the Korean agents. The whole venture was a wasted effort.

Except for the drug in the micro-dart. It had a longer lasting effect that no one expected. For days thereafter Pence had a smile on his face, hugged gay athletes, was actually nice to people and lost the fossilized frozen look on his face. At least for a while….

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Dems Offer Compromise on Weed Legalization: Let’s Agree to call it “Marihuana”

Dems Offer Compromise on Weed Legalization: Let’s Agree to call it “Marihuana”

With Vermont and Massachusetts added to the growing list of states with legal, recreational marijuana, congress has been scrambling to lower taxes on billionaires and name new post offices. But one congressman has a different plan. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

GOP Disapproval at Record High, Dems Frantic to Figure Out New Losing Strategy

GOP Disapproval at Record High, Dems Frantic to Figure Out New Losing Strategy

Congress holds record low approval ratings, but none more so than the Republicans, and none more among them than the Trump-aligned representatives. With an obvious distaste for these levels of corruption, Democrats are furiously scrambling to find new ways to lose the next election. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Society0 Comments

UK Government Fake News Unit Revises Strategy

UK Government Fake News Unit Revises Strategy

UK government plans to combat fake news have required re-evaluation in the face of challenges from all sectors of society. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

The Saturday Night Live Crew Have Pulled Off the Greatest Skit Of All Time

The Saturday Night Live Crew Have Pulled Off the Greatest Skit Of All Time

SNL has just topped anything they have ever done.

They have pulled off the greatest live action skits in the history of comedy. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics0 Comments

Trump Unsure Why “Crime” is Actually a Crime

Trump Unsure Why “Crime” is Actually a Crime

President select Donald Trump has admitted to obstruction of justice and collusion, both of which are crimes, but asked Sean Hannity in a phone interview, “Why are those crimes? I mean, nothing else I do is a crime.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics0 Comments

Bezos Quells Presidential Rumors, “I’m running for Amazon Prime Minister”

Bezos Quells Presidential Rumors, “I’m running for Amazon Prime Minister”

Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos held a press conference in front of the 300-foot brass doors gaurding the entrance to his underground headquarters at the base of Mount Rainier. He wanted to make clear that he has “No illusion or aspiration for the office of president [of the United States.]” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Fire and Fury – Inside the Early Trump Years

Fire and Fury – Inside the Early Trump Years

Unless you’re in a coma – or your name is Baron Trump – you’ve no doubt heard about Michael Wolff’s bombshell tell-all book, FIRE AND FURY – INSIDE THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE. On its release day, F&F sold out in less time than it takes Donald to tweet “CNN is Fake News.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics2 Comments

Confused Democrats Claim ‘Trump Boom’ is Actually Teddy Roosevelt’s Creation

Confused Democrats Claim ‘Trump Boom’ is Actually Teddy Roosevelt’s Creation

Is the Trump Boom actually a thing?

Or is it just fake news?

It turns out that the Trump boom is not all it seems. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

Trump Should Attack Russia to Take Heat off RussiaGate Scandal, Experts Say

Trump Should Attack Russia to Take Heat off RussiaGate Scandal, Experts Say

WASHINGTON – Politicians and media pundits from both political perspectives have called on President Trump to attack Russia as soon as possible to prove once and for all that he is not colluding with Russia.

“The only way for Trump to prove that he isn’t colluding with Russia – is to attack them,” said former National Security Advisor, Dulles Minderbinder on CNN.

“I hope Trump attacks Russia soon,” said Republican pundit Frank Hightower on FOX News. “That’s the best way for him to get past the recent unpleasantness of RussiaGate. Trump attacking Russia will also help distract the American public from the coming sexual harassment claims against Trump. It’s win/win. Trump should attack Russia soon in order to save his good name.”

“Attacking Russia is a great idea,” said CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “Russia’s economy is booming. They are a real economic juggernaut. Their economy has just overtaken the Netherlands!”

“We can take Iran next,” averred Wolf Blitzer. “And then it’s on to China!”

Calls for improved relations with Russia were rejected by other CNN commentators as “appeasing Putin” or “just proving for all time that Trump is Putin’s bitch.”

“The American people want Trump to show Putin who is really the Alpha Male in their relationship, their curious bromance,” concluded Blitzer. “Attacking Russia is probably the best way to do it.”

Image attribution:

By Kremlin.ru, CC BY 4.0, Link

Share

Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Wacky Friends Parodies IV: UKIP

Wacky Friends Parodies IV: UKIP

Some controversial UK right-wing populists have ended up being the subject of some Friends parodies on YouTube.

Intentionally or not, some of these videos seem to play into the whole ‘who would you actually have a beer with?’ persona of Nigel Farage. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Video News0 Comments

Nelly Parody (Only Just a Democrat Dream)

Nelly Parody (Only Just a Democrat Dream)

I was thinking ’bout Hill and the DNC
Thinking ’bout the POTUS, who it gonna be? Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

Turkey Pardons Donald Trump For Being A Turkey At Thanksgiving.

Turkey Pardons Donald Trump For Being A Turkey At Thanksgiving.

In an unusual turnaround at the annual Turkey Pardoning festivity at the White House, the turkey itself made a speech. The 48 pound white turkey Drumstick unexpectedly hopped up to the mike, cleared his throat and said: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics0 Comments

Mainstream News Anchor Proves he Understands Trump’s Presidency by Repeatedly Punching Himself in Face

Mainstream News Anchor Proves he Understands Trump’s Presidency by Repeatedly Punching Himself in Face

Dateline: ATLANTA—A newly hired news anchor at CNN, Guy Hoogetsit, has criticized his colleagues at the cable news station for failing to understand the point of Donald Trump’s election, and maintains that the only way for members of the corporate media to properly report on President Trump is to simultaneously hit themselves repeatedly in the face. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics0 Comments

Leftists Look Forward to “Constructive Dialogue with Idiotic Trump Supporters”

Leftists Look Forward to “Constructive Dialogue with Idiotic Trump Supporters”

WASHINGTON – “Trump is Putin’s bitch,” read several signs in the crowd. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics0 Comments

We Made a Movie!


Check us out on Kickstarter!


Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial