Category: Politics
Middle Earth Question Time: Jez Saruman Believes All Lives Matter!
Mr Saruman, will you condemn the mass atrocities of Mordor? I condemn ALL indiscriminate mass murder of innocent civilians, whether perpetrated by Mordor, or by Gondor, or by anyone else in Middle Earth. But nobody mentioned Gondor. Well yes, funny…
Libertarians & GOP Demand MASS REVOLT Against UN Human Trafficking Laws!
HOW IS MUCH IS ONE LIFE REALLY WORTH?! Well, I guess we’re about to find out! Republicans and the Libertarian Party have staged a mass revolt against the UN 2019 human trafficking report. The Executive Director for the United Nations…
BIG OIL OVERJOYED! 10 American Air Force Pilots Hanged for Collateral Damage
CNN, Fox News and MSNBC are currently rejoicing, as a steady torrent of excitable news broadcasts jubilantly proclaim to us all that the long-enduring myth of a ‘lack of accountability’ for American foreign policy is finally dead and buried. How…
DOWN WITH HATE SPEECH! Bipartisan Bill Finally Makes US Corporations Protected Class
The notoriously divided America of today has many disputes and disagreements, whether it be border security, the climate crisis or social media conflict by liberal snowflakes and conservative trolls. But if there’s one thing the Republican and Democrats can agree…
Great Was the Fall (Parable on America With an Ancient Feel)
In the days of the old King, King Bush, the people did eat of the fat of the earth and drink of the fruit of the vine. But lo a new King, King Obama, ascended the throne and soon there…
Gay Old Party Strikes Again! Auntie Lindsey 2020, the Closet Choice! (Ted Haggard Guest Post)
NOTE FROM WALLACE: Our occasional guest contributor, Ted ‘I Know What You Did Last Night’ Haggard has provided us with one of the saltiest, spiciest lil old hot takes we’ve had in a while here at Glossy News! Enjoy! WOOP…
OH, GOD! IT’S NOT THAT TIME AGAIN IS IT???????
Noooooooooooooooo! It can’t be! It’s inhumane! Its monstrous! It just can’t be true!
Electoral College Electors Hiding Out From Democratic Assassins Because of 2016 Election
Life is not easy for any of the 538 Electors from the 2016 election. Too many people with good memories remember very well the outcome of that election BECAUSE OF the outcome of that election. The trouble can well be…
McCain Gives “Thanks” From The Grave
Annapolis, MD- On Friday morning, former POW, Senator, and one-time Republican Party Presidential nominee John McCain, threw the world into a frenzy, when he rose from his grave, to apparently address comments made by President Donald “John” Trump, earlier this…
Mueller and Trump: Partners in Crime
CONGRESSMAN GIRLYMAN: Mr. Mueller, thank you for appearing before this congressional committee. We gather from William Barr’s summary of your report that you didn’t find sufficient evidence to prove at trial that President Trump had obstructed justice or that he…
Trump Memes: The Ideas Just Keep Presenting Themselves!
NOTE FROM WALLACE: rfreed is currently the undisputed meme master of Glossy News! However, for even more graphic fun (not necessarily memes!) try Upchuck and JF! AND, AS AN ADDED BONUS – AN ALL PRESIDENT’S MEME:
State-Wide, Only 5 People Now Eligible to Hold Office in Virginia
RICHMOND, Virginia – The political situation in Virginia has grown dire. First, the Democrat governor admitted that his page in his medical school yearbook has people with blackface and Klan robes in it. Then, the Democrat second-in-command lieutenant governor got…
Trump Translation Guide
Over the first two years of Donald Trump’s presidency, he has made countless incredible statements and many bold claims about how great he is, how horrible his detractors are, and all the historic achievements he has made, which, according to…
“Deep State”? Or Is It More Likely A “Deep Oligarchy”?
The Right has made much ado about there being a “Deep State” – a massive and deeply underground unification of different government agencies all bent on curtailing our freedoms. The interesting thing is that in past decades such talk during…
Donald J. Trump- Just The Enema America Needs.
He said he was gonna do it and, dad-gum if he didn’t gone and dooded it. The Donald provided the laxatorial stimulus needed to remove decades of inner stagnant, potentially cancerous fecal growth that had been festering our governmental tract…
Glossy News Exclusive: Sean Hannity’s Secret… That Everybody Already Knows
Washington, DC- For most Americans, Sean Hannity is known as a fiery conservative mouth piece who nightly uses his influence to stoke the fires of division, with the subtlety and nuance of a sloppy wet fart. But behind those pearly…
A “How-To” for Your First Impeachment Party!
WELCOME and CONGRATULATIONS! A party planner for host and guest for the brand new 2019 winter fete: ‘The Impeachment Party!’ So you finally got the invite you were praying for. Now what to do? Dress
Build A WALL… And Crime Will FALL (Bring Our Lost Jobs Back)
Authors note: Ghost-written for the Prez. The Rapists stand, Right behind the gates. They’re looking for breaks In the links of chain.
Bored Donald Trump Plans Orgy for West Wing
The White House announced yesterday, that the “you’re fired” bo$$, Donald J. Trump, was ranting about how bored he is with all the talk about people’s lives in the balance, do gooders, strikes, furloughs, whiny workers, and the general lack…
Glossy News Exclusive Leak! ‘Rudy Giuliani Defense’ Finally Revealed!
Washington, DC- After months of seemingly incoherent and contradictory explanations, including this weekends bombshell revelation by the Presidents personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who admitted in a televised interview on Sunday, that President Donald Trump had ongoing contact with Vladimir Putin-connected…
BREAKING NEWS: Canada Announces Plans to Build Southern Border Wall
Ottawa – Today, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau delivered a landmark speech to the combined chambers of the Canadian Parliament. He announced his plans to erect a 50-foot-tall wall along the entire length of the USA-Canadian border to keep them…
Ann Coulter Grants Trump Permission to Reopen Federal Government… Finally.
Washington, DC- Political pundit, and current Trump Administration Minister of All Things Policy, Ann Coulter, granted President Donald Trump permission to end the federal government shutdown on Thursday, claiming she was bored with the lack of progress achieved after another…
Are all Americans Guilty of Hate Crimes against President Trump?
Dateline: D.C.— Under federal hate crime laws, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has targeted both critics and supporters of President Trump, for “abusing a mentally incompetent old man,” according to a spokesperson for Mr. Mueller’s office. “If you saw a physically…
Alert: New Interview With Trump about The “Wall”
Reporter: As your Number One priority tell us what you are going to do about immigration. Trump: Who said it was Number One? Better parking near my Trump Towers is my number one priority. Damn media bias. Reporter: But the…
Trump Visited By Ghosts Of Anti-Communists Past
He was about to slumber, alone in the White House on this winter’s Christmas Eve. Melania and the boys were in Mar-A-Lago. Congress and a quarter of the Federal workforce was shut down. The few advisers that he still listened…
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