Tucker Carlson Declares War Against Color…  Specifically Blue

Washington, DC- Viewers of Fox News Networks Tucker Carlson Tonight have grown accustomed to the prime time host’s fiery brand of socially driven commentary, since his show replaced the popular O’Reilly Factor earlier this year.

Carlson proved to the world that he wasn’t just another partisan mouthpiece when he leveled accusations of political bias against fellow Fox host, and meteorologist, Rick Reichmuth during a segment on last Wednesday’s show.

The two Fox personalities had seemed to bond throughout the segment while they discussed issues like global warming, and their shared aversion to the outdoors; but as the topic moved to Hurricane Willa, the two hosts nearly came to blows. Read more Tucker Carlson Declares War Against Color…  Specifically Blue

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Jeff Flake May Return to Senate in 2020

Phoenix, AZ- Recently re-elected Arizona Governor, Doug Ducey (R-AZ), told members of the press on Friday that he would not rule out Jeff Flake (R-AZ) as a possible successor to current stand-in Senator, John Kyl (R-AZ), who took over the Senate seat of John McCain (R-AZ), who passed away earlier this year after a battle with a brain tumor.

“I am aware that Senator Flake chose not to run for re-election this term because of the political climate,” the Governor said from the steps of the capitol building. “That being said, political winds have a tendency to change directions without warning. Ideally, I’d love to go with Martha (McSally (R-AZ)), but after her recent defeat, I think that it would be irresponsible not to at least keep one “moderate” candidate on standby, just in case the winds shift towards pragmatism and bipartisanship. According to Jon (Kyl), he plans on stepping down after the 2019 congressional term, so we’ve got some time before we have to make that decision.” Read more Jeff Flake May Return to Senate in 2020

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Trump Administration Unveils ‘Brand New’ Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Washington, DC- In what will surely go down as one of the most bizarre press conferences in recent memory; White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced both her plans to step down as the official mouth piece of the Trump Administration in January, and introduced the woman who will be her successor… Sarah HUCKabee Sanders 2.0.

Members of the press were visibly shocked when a holographic representation of Huckabee Sanders ‘stepped’ out from behind a curtain at the rear of the stage, and joined the Press Secretary on stage.

Read more Trump Administration Unveils ‘Brand New’ Sarah Huckabee Sanders

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Power and the Abuse of Language: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler

[The homeless old man, Rashad the Cackler is back with another rant. Enjoy as he spills his guts to passersby on a big city street corner.]

***
We’ve got these democratic, capitalistic societies we’re so proud of. That’s how we “progress,” right? By voting and making money and buying stuff we don’t need.

I’ve been trying to figure out, though, why politicians and pundits make a fetish out of the word “appropriate.” I saw it once on CNN: it was a typical American political negotiation. President Trump had dragged a Democratic senator’s wife into the Oval Office and ordered his henchmen to gang rape her right in front of the senator and his children. They went to town on her, because it was televised so they had to make it a spectacle. I saw a Taser and a cat o’ nine tails and a flaming trident. A donkey got in on the action, and in the end they cut her up into ribbons and vacuumed her remains off the carpet.
Read more Power and the Abuse of Language: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler

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Long-Shot Candidate Proposes Four Ball Legislation to Counter Unfair Three Strikes Law

Walnutport, PA – Political newcomer and long-shot candidate for Pennsylvania’s 7th congressional district, Rona De Maritius (D-PA), on Tuesday, announced plans to introduce a controversial piece of legislation in the House, should she emerges victorious in next week’s midterm election.

The bill, tentatively dubbed The Four Balls Measure, is the candidates answer to the state’s current three strikes law, which was enacted in 1995. “Systemic racism has been a part of America’s penal system for far too long,” the candidate told supporters at a rally in Walnut Port, the night before. “These so call “super-predator” laws have unfairly targeted minority segments of the population since they became popular in the 1990’s. It is my hope that this legislation will help to even the playing field for those who have been unfairly targeted or harassed by police in the past. It stands to reason, if a citizen is “out” after three strikes, then he should be considered “safe,” after four balls. If the rule is good enough for baseball, then it stands to reason that it’ll be good enough for citizens of Pennsylvania.”

Read more Long-Shot Candidate Proposes Four Ball Legislation to Counter Unfair Three Strikes Law

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Opinion: The Hidden Benefits of Trumps Proposed Birthright Citizenship Policy

Washington, DC- On Tuesday, President Donald Trump turned up the volume on his immigration rhetoric and left his fellow Republicans holding a big bag of shit, after he announced “plans” to amend the Citizenship Clause of the 14th Amendment, by way of an executive order.

Trump sycophant, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), was adamant in his support of the Presidents announcement, and has indicated he will “introduce legislation along the same lines as the proposed executive order.”

“Finally, a president willing to take on this absurd policy of birthright citizenship. I’ve always supported comprehensive immigration reform – and at the same time- the elimination of birthright citizenship,” Graham tweeted.

House Speaker Paul Ryan was less supportive, “You cannot end birthright citizenship with an executive order. As a conservative, I’m a believer in following the plain text of the Constitution, and I think in this case the 14th Amendment is pretty clear.”
Read more Opinion: The Hidden Benefits of Trumps Proposed Birthright Citizenship Policy

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Fox News Host Carlson Accuses Meteorologist of Political Bias

Washington, DC- Conservative political commentator Tucker Carlson surprised viewers when he leveled accusations of political bias against Fox News Senior Meteorologist and weekend cohost of Fox and Friends, Rick Reichmuth, during a segment on Tucker Carlson Tonight, last Wednesday night.

For the last segment of the broadcast, Carlson brought in Reichmuth to discuss the effects of Hurricane Willa, which made landfall on the west coast of Mexico, late Tuesday evening. For the first half of the segment, the two hosts appeared amicable as they discussed “the global warming hoax,” accusing both liberal groups and scientists of having a conflict of interest when it came to environmental issues.

“Obviously these people have a vested interest in climate change,” a furious Carlson told his viewers.

Read more Fox News Host Carlson Accuses Meteorologist of Political Bias

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Trump Voters Smarter than Liberals, study shows

Dateline: D.C.—The Machiavelli Institute of Political Pseudoscience shocked the world when it revealed the results of its study that compared the intelligence level of President Trump’s diehard supporters to that of his critics on the left and the right, including “the Resistance” and “Never Trumpers.”
Read more Trump Voters Smarter than Liberals, study shows

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Mexican President Elect Proposes Plan to Fund Border Wall

Mexico City, Mexico- Mexico’s President-elect, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, announced plans to fund construction of a border wall separating Mexico and the United States, in a joint press conference with CEOs from online job search websites Monster.com, Indeed.com, and Ziprecruiter.com, Friday morning.

“We are proud to announce that the United Mexican States, in partnership with our friends at Monster.com, Indeed.com, and Ziprecruiter.com, have finalized plans to construct a brand new wall spanning the length of our northern border, starting next year,” the President-elect told reporters from the steps of the capitol.  “We are excited to finalize this deal.  We believe this plan will provide a blue print for other nations with similar security concerns, moving forward.”

Read more Mexican President Elect Proposes Plan to Fund Border Wall

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Trump Waited to ‘See What Happened.’ He Didn’t Like What Happened Next! Click Here to See the Cartoon!

NOTE FROM WALLACE (AND DON’T FORGET TO CLICK BELOW FOR THE FUNNY TRUMP CARTOON!):

Flamboyantly controversial US President Donald J. Trump is fond of ending a public conversation with a certain enigmatic phrase of his…
‘We’ll see what happens.’
Is this a threat?
Is it a sign that he’s open to a variety of possibilities and responses?
Or is he simply trying to duck the question?
It’s all very open to interpretation, but it certainly leaves him a hostage to fortune, in the eyes of some.
Are these the words of a skilled strategist, or a confused buffoon who has no idea what he’s doing?
Prominent media outlet NPR gives a few examples.
Among other things, Trump has dropped this peculiar and arguably disconcerting phrase in relation to North Korea, Iran and the Florida / Puerto Rico hurricane.
Does this phrase have its pitfalls, then?
Here’s a cartoon from Up Chuck.
Trouble in paradise!
Read more Trump Waited to ‘See What Happened.’ He Didn’t Like What Happened Next! Click Here to See the Cartoon!

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Fourteenth Suspicious Package Discovered… Maybe Copycat

Washington, DC- On Wednesday morning, Federal Investigators confirmed the existence of a fourteenth suspicious package, this time addressed to President Trump, discovered at a mail sorting facility in the DC area over the weekend. Florida resident and Trump supported Cesar Soyac, 56 years old, was taken into custody by authorities early Friday afternoon in connection to thirteen packages that had been sent to various politicians and outspoken critics of the President. If convicted, Soyac faces up to 48 years in prison. The latest package is the first one to target the President directly.

According to one source inside the investigation, “There are distinct differences between the first thirteen packages, and the latest package,” which was discovered at the USPS Regional Facility Washington DC Network Distribution Center early Sunday morning.  “My gut instinct tells me that the author of this latest package is probably not Soyac, but instead a copycat.”

Investigators point to the construction of the latest device, as well as its intended target as evidence of the copycat theory.  “The original thirteen packages, though non-lethal, demonstrated a working knowledge of basic bomb building techniques.  It would have required very little effort to have made these devices fully functional.  In fact, since all of the necessary components were included in the original packages, it is possible that these devices could have accidently gone off during transport.  The latest package, while still being treated as a valid threat, lacks any of the sophistication employed in the previous packages.”

One investigator, who spoke off the record so he could discuss the situation with more candor, was scathing in his evaluation, calling the latest package, “Equivocal to an ACME rocket.  This is literally the type of device you would make if you grew up watching Looney Tunes.  To call it amateurish is an insult to every kid who’s ever set off a firecracker, and I think even Wile E Coyote would be embarrassed by this effort.”

Read more Fourteenth Suspicious Package Discovered… Maybe Copycat

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Researchers Discover why Republicans are Evil and Democrats are Cowards

Dateline: MIT—With the election of Donald Trump as president, Republicans have chosen to wear their evil on their sleeves, although the GOP’s social Darwinism, warmongering and shameless, hypocritical idolatry have been palpable since Ronald Reagan created his bizarre coalition of libertarians and evangelical Christians.
Read more Researchers Discover why Republicans are Evil and Democrats are Cowards

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Woman Strikes Back! A Modest Proposal on How to Respond to Kavanaugh, et. al

by Karene Horst

That’s it.  I’ve had it.  I’m going on strike.

Let me clarify. I’m going on a sex strike. That’s right. I’m not having sex with men anymore. You guys asked for it; this is your punishment for supporting the patriarchal bullshit that has left us with an “alleged”* rapist in the Oval Office, an “alleged” wannabe rapist on the US Supreme Court, and countless mysoginists and assholes in Congress and boardrooms across this country. I’m done with you. Read more Woman Strikes Back! A Modest Proposal on How to Respond to Kavanaugh, et. al

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Hollywood & the Democrats Rally in Final Show of Strength for Christine Ford

As the final decision is about to be reached on Kavanaugh, a gaggle of towering Hollywood intellectuals and well-beloved Democrats have decided to show their solidarity with Christine Ford, who has made some serious allegations against the prospective SCOTUS justice.

Well, you know what they say!

With friends like this…

AL FRANKEN

The problem with these Republicans is like the pussy-grabber-in-chief, they think they can just see something they like and grab it with both hands! I just can’t understand the mentality of these people at all!

ANTHONY WEINER

Read more Hollywood & the Democrats Rally in Final Show of Strength for Christine Ford

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