The White House announced yesterday, that the “you’re fired” bo$$, Donald J. Trump, was ranting about how bored he is with all the talk about people’s lives in the balance, do gooders, strikes, furloughs, whiny workers, and the general lack of attention he has been getting lately.
{paraphrasing} “I mean seriously? We are more concerned about government employees not getting paid than how I look on camera?” According to unnamed (Deep State) reporters, if he had to be the boss all the time, he might as well take advantage of the down time (due to government shutdown at the time of this writing)…to have some fun for a change. Read more Bored Donald Trump Plans Orgy for West Wing ›
Washington, DC- After months of seemingly incoherent and contradictory explanations, including this weekends bombshell revelation by the Presidents personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who admitted in a televised interview on Sunday, that President Donald Trump had ongoing contact with Vladimir Putin-connected Russians for the duration of his Presidential campaign… Some recently leaked Trump Organization internal documents reveal key details regarding the strategy behind the President’s unorthodox defense. We spoke to a source within the Trump Organization, who verified these details on the condition of anonymity.
According to series of emails sent on April 8th of 2017, two (unidentified) White House lawyers were growing more and more concerned with the direction of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation, and had made the determination that if the investigation continued to proceed on it’s current trajectory, the President and his children, were likely to face criminal charges in the months leading up to the 2018 mid-term election.
Ottawa – Today, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau delivered a landmark speech to the combined chambers of the Canadian Parliament. He announced his plans to erect a 50-foot-tall wall along the entire length of the USA-Canadian border to keep them safe from the hordes of Americans fleeing the USA. Countless numbers are seeking asylum in Canada, widely considered the last remaining enclave of sanity north of Mexico.
Canadians were initially enraged when the Prime Minister’s address cut into an intermission of the Maple Leafs – Oilers game. Mr. Trudeau began his ten-minute speech in the traditional Canadian manner, by apologizing for interrupting TV coverage of the Zamboni re-surfacing the ice rink. Read more BREAKING NEWS: Canada Announces Plans to Build Southern Border Wall ›
Washington, DC- Political pundit, and current Trump Administration Minister of All Things Policy, Ann Coulter, granted President Donald Trump permission to end the federal government shutdown on Thursday, claiming she was bored with the lack of progress achieved after another fruitless round of negotiations failed to reach a bipartisan deal on Wednesday.
“Fuck it, I’m bored with this,” she wrote on her Shitter feed Thursday morning. “Bipartisan negotiations have failed. The Wall is dead. @TheRealDonaldTrump, I think you made my point. Please pass the CR NOW and reopen the government.” #FartOfTheDeal #WhoIn2020?
Many on the right were taken by surprise with Coulter’s Sheets, and voiced their displeasure with her shutdown reversal, which has entered it’s 27th day and is the longest in American history.
Dateline: D.C.— Under federal hate crime laws, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has targeted both critics and supporters of President Trump, for “abusing a mentally incompetent old man,” according to a spokesperson for Mr. Mueller’s office.
“If you saw a physically disabled person and instead of helping her out, you berated her ruthlessly or else lured into making a fool of herself, you could easily foul afoul of hate speech laws,” said the spokesperson.
Reporter: As your Number One priority tell us what you are going to do about immigration.
Trump: Who said it was Number One? Better parking near my Trump Towers is my number one priority. Damn media bias.
Reporter: But the wall?
Trump: To tell the truth I don’t like immigrants.
Reporter: Why is that?
Trump: There are too many of them, and they come from some other country.
Reporter: But they are immigrants.
Trump: That’s no excuse. They should just stay home.
Reporter: Who would do the jobs they do like pick ferns I just read about?
Trump: Anybody can pick ferns. What’s so hard about that? I have hired a lot of people
to pick ferns around my properties.
Reporter: But, generally they do a lot of jobs Americans won’t do.
Trump: I doubt that. I’ll have my new Secretary of the Interior, what’s-his-name, look
into that.
Reporter: So what is your position on immigration?
Trump: Who me?
Reporter: Who else am I talking to?
Trump: I’ll give you five free nights in Trump Towers, and maybe some extra perks,
dinner, dancing… if you get what I mean, if we can just drop this whole thing.
Reporter: No, the people want to know.
Trump: Well, I’ll tell you the truth… I believe in the truth, you know. You can write that
down. Not like that Kenyan Muslim… I don’t want them here. We’ve already got plenty
of people.
Reporter: But they really want to come here. They will make good Americans.
Trump: They will make lousy Americans. Look, I don’t like foreigners. They should just
stay home.
Reporter: Overall, they will help the economy.
Trump: Not on your life. They send all their money back to Mexico.
Reporter: But Americans are immigrants. They all came here from somewhere else.
Trump: Well, Europe, maybe, but they aren’t foreigners.
Reporter: What about America as the great melting pot?
Trump: They don’t melt. Most of them can’t even speak English.
Reporter: Who’s going to clean your house?
Trump: If I can’t get anyone else to do it I’ll make my wife do it. She obeys me.
Reporter: So you think a wall will work?
Trump: Look, I’ve built far more things than you have even seen, four eyes, and get a prettier
blouse. Stop with the silly questions. Of course it will work. I’m the greatest builder the world
has ever known. THE GREATEST!
He was about to slumber, alone in the White House on this winter’s Christmas Eve. Melania and the boys were in Mar-A-Lago. Congress and a quarter of the Federal workforce was shut down. The few advisers that he still listened to had suggested he not to go to Florida with the rest of the family. With so many Fed employees not working and not having extra money for the holidays, they felt that it would look bad for him to take a vacation at this time. Better to go later after the whole shut-down thing had blown over and no one would be paying attention. He had to stay in D.C. and stew in the juices of the soup he himself had made.
Wearily he prepared himself for bed. As usual, comments from the press criticizing him ran unchecked through his head. He was unable to control or stop them. He lay down in bed and, knowing sleep would not be soon in coming, began his nightly barrage of tweets, mostly focusing on the very disturbances going through his mind.
Thirty minutes later the tweets did their magic and together with the sleeping pill he took he meandered into that realm between waking thoughts and the peace of slumber.
It was this in this dark purgatory of repose that the first apparition appeared. It came first as a disembodied voice- “Ebeneezer……ooops!…….I mean ‘Donald’!……Donald!……..why do you not understand?” Read more Trump Visited By Ghosts Of Anti-Communists Past ›
