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Totalitarian Tenets to be Tenaciously Tendered via Trump Tweet

Totalitarian Tenets to be Tenaciously Tendered via Trump Tweet

‘Orwellian Obedience is Ordered to be Ordinarily Observed,’ says first Tenet via Trump Tweet.

“We’re going to win so much, you’ll get sick of winning,” begins a statement released today by Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s transition team spokesperson and former scarecrow template. “And to win, every team needs a strong leader — a leader everyone obeys, no questions asked. This is why we’re starting our new ‘Tenet via Trump Tweet’ regimen.”

“From the moment Donald J Trump is sworn in as President of the United States and Ruler of the Free World,” the statement continues, “our Dear Leader will let us know what is expected of us exclusively via Trump Tweet. All citizens will be expected to be followers of Mr Trump’s Twitter account, and to follow each ‘Tenet Tweet’ to the letter. That’s how we Win!” Continue Reading

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Trump’s List Of Thing To Do On His First Day In Office.

Trump’s List Of Thing To Do On His First Day In Office.

Trump’s List Of Thing To Do On His First Day In Office.

Have Hillary and Bill ‘mysteriously’ disappear.

Finalize deal with Putin on co-overseeing Russia’s oil industry. Continue Reading

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Glossy News Classics VII. P. Beckert’s ‘GOP Blames Rise in Lesbianism on Obama Adminstration.’

Glossy News Classics VII. P. Beckert’s ‘GOP Blames Rise in Lesbianism on Obama Adminstration.’

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

Patti’s corpus is vast and well worth reading. Explore it!

***

On Tuesday night, President Barack Obama gave his 5th State of the Union address. It was a mixed bag, if you ask anyone who was listening. As usual, Obama failed in his attempt to bring the country to a closer understanding of each other. The GOP response to the SOTU address proved that point. Continue Reading

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Glossy News Classics VI. rfreed’s President Obama Stars in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ (3/3)

Glossy News Classics VI. rfreed’s President Obama Stars in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ (3/3)

Last time:

“How could it come to this?” Obama asked more to himself than to the others.

“How did it happen? Because we weren’t paying attention, that’s why! We slowly let the hooligans get more and more power and let them chisel away our real freedoms until the common man had so few left that he didn’t even have the power to defend them!”

“And Washington let it happen,” murmured Obama.

The story continues: Continue Reading

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Glossy News Classics VI. rfreed’s President Obama Stars in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ (2/3)

Glossy News Classics VI. rfreed’s President Obama Stars in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ (2/3)

Last time:

“Why did you do such a damn fool thing?” asked Obama.

“Because, I am your guardian angel,” answered the man.

“What? Now I’ve heard everything!” retorted the President.

“Well, I am here trying to earn my wings by helping you.”

“I’ve had enough for one night! I wish I had never come out here. I wish I had never become President. God, I wish I had never been born!” he stated in exasperation.

“Your wish is my command!” and the little man closed his eyes and blinked in I Dream Of Jeanie fashion.

The story continues: Continue Reading

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Glossy News Classics VI. rfreed’s President Obama Stars in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ (1/3)

Glossy News Classics VI. rfreed’s President Obama Stars in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ (1/3)

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

Keep reading rfreed’s work! 

Now, this one is interesting…

***

President Obama gazed down from the icy bridge into the swirling frigid waters of the Potomac below him.

In the darkness of the night the distance between him and its whirlpools seemed vast.

He was at an end.

The difficulties of his Presidency seemed as dark, endless and foreboding as the waters he looked down upon. Continue Reading

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The Machiavellian Guide To Becoming President

The Machiavellian Guide To Becoming President

The Machiavellian Guide To Becoming President
(as channeled from the nether worlds to his humble servants Donald Trump and rfreed)

Note to the historically impaired – Niccolò Machiavelli was a 15th century historian, writer and politician who emphasized using the Dark Side of the Force when ruling. Rumor has it that President Select Donald Trump keeps a copy of his book ‘The Prince’ at his beside to ponder over when he is finished with his Tweets for the night. Continue Reading

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Dynasty’s End? The ‘Annus Horribilis’ of Hill & Bill Clinton

Dynasty’s End? The ‘Annus Horribilis’ of Hill & Bill Clinton

One of  the many unfortunate outcomes of 2016 is the denial of influence rendered to one Bill Clinton.

Riding #IMWITHHER were many odd bedfellows.

The Clinton Foundation, and her sister Clinton Global Initiative, had raised untold millions, right up until Election Day, from the Gulf States and military contractors like Lockheed Martin Marrieta.

With the election upset, lawsuits are coming from some strange places. Continue Reading

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Hillary Wears Pantsuit to Beaver Shot Showdown

Hillary Wears Pantsuit to Beaver Shot Showdown

Hillary was once again embarrassed by a Trump. But this time it was Melania. The gamey Mrs. Clinton accepted the challenge but was woefully unprepared to compete with the lovely Mrs. Trump who was dressed in a beautiful ensemble of a low cut, blue cashmere sweater over a knee length pleated white skirt.

Melania had been seated first in one of two metal folding chairs placed close to the edge of the stage with the jumbotron focused close up on her shapely legs. The crowd was clearly anticipating some warm up exercises but were quickly disappointed when Melania, keeping her knees tightly closed, affected a perfectly done look of feigned modesty by pressing her fingers against her lips and cooing. Continue Reading

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Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Last time:

TRUMP: The Jews! Incredible. The Jews control Israel. Unbelievable. Believe me, this is yuuuge.

JAKE TAPPER: OK, I’m buying it. But what about some of our more sceptical viewers out there? What’s your message for them?

The story continues:

TRUMP: The Jews control Israel! But you’re not allowed to talk about it! Donald…

Trump…

Is the only

President… Continue Reading

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Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Rambunctious Orange Lives Matter Civil Activist and Pitiful Nazicon Stooge Donald Trump has recently delivered another hate-ridden tirade. After his edgy pre-election comments on ‘Latino rapists’ and ‘banning Muslims,’ Jake Tapper’s recent interview shows the Donald propagating a bizarre anti-Semitic conspiracy theory.

TAPPER: Mr Trump, do you actually believe the Jews control Israel? Continue Reading

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More Contentious Donald Trump Policies

More Contentious Donald Trump Policies

Here are the latest harebrained policy suggestions from Donald Trump.

Make America Ridiculous Again!

***

1. Criminalize hate speech against corporations. Corporations are people too, and they have feelings!

2. Shut down X Factor. Don’t you think we’ve had enough of this crap by now?!

3. Women who have vaginas should be punished. Continue Reading

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Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Raping in the Name of: Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire Leaves Potential Sex Offenders Shaking Their Dicks!!!

Not so long ago, I spoke about my not so intimate encounter with the Hyde Park Trots in Leeds, Yorkshire. Continue Reading

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CIA Digs up Dirt on President Trump, forms New Planet

CIA Digs up Dirt on President Trump, forms New Planet

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.–In response to President-elect Donald Trump’s denigrating the American intelligence community, the CIA dug up a planet of dirt on Trump, altering the Earth’s gravitational field.

The American intelligence community was united in its assessment that Russia hacked into the Democratic National Committee’s emails to attempt to give Donald Trump an advantage in his campaign against Democratic rival Hillary Clinton. Continue Reading

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U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

WASHINGTON – In response to the growing epidemic of “fake news,” President Obama today announced the creation of a new department of the federal government, the Ministry of Truth.

“As a Constitutional scholar, I can assure you that the Founding Fathers of our nation never intended the sacred First Amendment rights of freedom of speech and freedom of the press to apply to websites peddling ‘fake news’. The Founding Fathers well understood the importance of controlling the political narrative,” stated Obama.

“Let me be clear: ‘fake news’ is an enormous problem. So we need a war on fake news like never before. We will work closely with the more established and reliable media companies, including social media, to stamp out the threat that so many independent voices poses to our democracy.” Continue Reading

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President Trump Confined to White House, Refusing to take Revolving Door

President Trump Confined to White House, Refusing to take Revolving Door

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.–After much legal wrangling, President-elect Donald Trump and his children, Ivanka, Eric and Donald Jr. divested themselves of their holdings in the Trump Organization and in Trump’s dozens of other companies so that they could carry out their duties as president and as top advisors without the taint of blatant conflicts of interest. But after their term in office, they found it impossible to physically leave the White House, because they refused to use any of the hundreds of revolving doors back to the private sector, these being the only doors leading out of the building. Continue Reading

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