Category: Top Stories
BP Offers Disaster Response Expertise to Failing Nuke Reactor
Media release: Monaco, 0800hrs, Energy giant BP, (formerly British Petroleum) has announced an offer of support to the Japanese government overnight, pledging to fully rebuild the nation’s damaged nuclear reactors on undisclosed but “very favorable” terms.
Scott Walker Declares Himself a Wisconsin Hero
Scott Walker defines a hero as “someone who, against all odds, does what is necessary to fight evil in the world.” And so it is that Walker believes that he is doing the right thing by making sure teachers don’t…
“Unstoppable-Radioactive-Tsunami-Earthquake” Reports Initially Dismissed as Bizarre Charlie Sheen Quote
“A Bank of Tokyo official was upbeat, suggesting insurance losses to the disaster would be offset by a reduced amount of traffic accidents in subsequent years”
Sarah Palin Seeks Charity to Pay for Kids’ Braces
Sarah Palin recently went on Fox News and publicly admitted that she could use some help in paying for her kids’ dental expenses. “Do you even know how much a set of braces costs these days?” asked Palin as she…
Scott Walker Begs Koch Brothers to Release Him from Pact
While Scott Walker says he doesn’t want to compare his relationship with the Koch Brothers as being akin to selling your soul to the devil, seeing as he’s a devout Christian and all, his friends say he is feeling the…
How to Get AOL to Buy Your Blog for Millions
You may have heard the recent news about AOL purchasing Huffington Post for the sum of $315 million dollars. Will AOL buy your blog? Will AOL pay you a million dollars for your blog or website? Will AOL give you…
Local Man Finally Figures Out Where Libya Is
De Moines, IA – GlossyNews.com – Charles Pulowski was finally able to join co-workers in conversations about the political unrest in the middle east after examining a toy globe, belonging to his son, that was located in his living room…
Tea Party Rebukes Bachmann for Un-Christian Breaking Wind Incident
WASHINGTON DC — GlossyNews.com Minnesota GOPTea Bagger Rep. Michelle Bachmann broke wind yesterday in what was described as a home accident. She and her staff immediately flew to Washington DC where she announced the cancellation of her April appearances in…
Obama’s Othello “Obamothello” Debuts in Lib Stronghold
Debuting next Saturday in the liberal bastion of hedonism known as San Francisco, this travesty on the English language, brought to you by deep-pocket interests from the left fringe, who somehow feel it’s acceptable to rewrite the great texts to…
Senator Jim DeMint, Calls to De-Fund PBS/NPR; Crazy or Just a Liar?
Jim DeMint, Crazy of Just Plain Full of Shizz? Recent addition to the Fair & Balanced FOX club, Wall Street Journal, has published an editorial by one of the most fair, most balanced senators in the history of America. Sure,…