Category: Top Stories
States Unwittingly Promote Masturbation by Prohibiting Gateway Sexual Activity
SALT LAKE CITY – In a poll taken of students in several states including Utah and Wisconsin, where new laws have been enacted to promote abstinence only as a way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, it was discovered that masturbation has…
GOP Halloween Haunted House of Terror Coming to Tampa
This coming Halloween season, you’ll get a chance to tour one of the scariest amusement attractions you’ll ever experience – if you have the stomach. I’m of course talking about the chillingly scary GOP Presidential Halloween Haunted House of Terror…
WikiLeaks Reveals Newt-Mitt Meeting Details
Normally talkative sources from campaigns Gingrich and Romney remain silent on a recent summit between the two bitter rivals. Characterized by both camps as more a social ‘let bygones be bygones’ affair, the meeting has left election watchers wondering whether…
Just Whose Heart Beats in Dick Cheney’s Chest?
News information services have informed us that former President-Of-Vice Dick Cheney has had a heart transplant. The former Haliburton head man had to wait almost two years to get his new ticker because of the difficulty of finding a heart…
Elway-Manning for America 2012
Area man Peyton Manning had just gotten laid off from work. Within 48 hours, he knew what he had to do. He hopped on a plane and headed to Denver. John Elway, Broncos exec, was waiting for him. “Sorry about…
VP 2012: Mitt’s Pick gets Nitpicked
ON THE GOPTEA™ TRAIL —GlossyNews Inevitable, unstoppable, charismatic Juggernaut Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney faced heated questioning this week on the issue of VP selection. The name Rand Paul has been surfacing with increased frequency among Romney confidantes, leading some election watchers…
Gingrich Charged With Felonious Photoshopping
WASHINGTON DC –GlossyNews Newt Gingrich, politician and part-time front runner in the GOPTea™ presidential race, has been charged with “the gravest, most evil transgression that humanity has ever been subjected to.” An activist group claims Mr. Gingrich has been illegally…
Charlie Brown-Lucy Reunion Ends Badly
Another chapter in the long history of unintended consequences was written this week, as two former child stars found themselves in the no longer adoring media spotlight. By all accounts, things began innocently enough at the Aaron Burr High School…
90 Percent of Nation’s Richest 10 Percent Support “We Are The 99 Percent” Economic Protest
NEW YORK – Some of the nation’s wealthiest citizens are expressing their support for the “We Are The 99 Percent” campaign, which has arisen from the economic protests taking place in New York’s Zuccotti Park and in other cities across…
Santorum gets suicidal over teleprompters
GOPTEA™ CAMPAIGN TRAIL —GlossyNews Listening to Rick Santorum speak is like listening to him arguing with himself. He keeps arguing and arguing until he realizes he has won. Then he smiles a cheshire cat smile of a grin, and makes…