WikiLeaks Reveals Newt-Mitt Meeting Details

Normally talkative sources from campaigns Gingrich and Romney remain silent on a recent summit between the two bitter rivals. Characterized by both camps as more a social ‘let bygones be bygones’ affair, the meeting has left election watchers wondering whether more than genteel rapprochements were exchanged. Suggestions of a quite different meeting were revealed this week, via a totally unexpected source.

While some observers have declared WikiLeaks a contained fire, it appears the obituary was premature. Though its founder Julian Asshinge remains in legal limbo, WikiLeaks has now partnered with a secretive group of tech savvy anarchists known only as ‘Bob.’

Bob has hacked into Mitt Romney’s personal computer diary. Reportedly, the feat was accomplished by a female member in South Korea who correctly guessed Mitt’s password might be ‘Mitt.’ The WikiLeaks download from Romney’s diary tells a far different story than a mere social affair intent on repairing burned bridges.

Dear Diary: This is a fine howdy-doo. Newt said he’d meet me at the Crossroads, so there Anne and I were down in Mississippi. Glad we got the Escalade filled up in Memphis, because apparently there are no full service gas stations in the Magnolia State. Had to fib to my Secret Service detail; told them Anne was hankering for some cheesy grits. But once Newt entered the race, I always knew in the back of my mind I’d end up meeting him at the Crossroads, so it was good to get it over with finally; that was my thinking.

On the prearranged signal, Newt and I left our vehicles and walked to the center of the Crossroads. I told him, “OK I want to be President. Give me the papers; I’ll sign my soul over to you. But you’re not getting any of my family members, I want that clearly understood.” Newt said I sounded crazier in person than I do on TV, so what’s up with the Crossroads gag?

Explained to him I thought it was tradition to meet Satan at the Crossroads on these kinds of deals so here I was. He said, “Dude, I’m not Satan! I came here because I thought YOU were Satan!” Boy, did we share a good laugh on that one! Turns out Newt only wants me to give him two cabinet posts in exchange for his endorsement.

PS: I still think he’s Satan.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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